The Chaeyoung Series

Not There Anymore

Synopsis: Chaeyoung is still waiting for the girl who just isn't there anymore.

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It's another rainy day, as if the sun forgot how to shine upon my life. I walk without an umbrella again, it's pointless anyway.

"Hey, Chaeng, can we share an umbrella?"

Her voice rings through my head and I shake away the thought as my saunter through the rain changes into a sprint. I can't tell the difference between my tears, my sweat and the rain. It's almost comforting, the confusion. It's a long run until I reach a park and I sit down on a bench, drenched in rain.

"A bench for two?"

I see her smile as I hear her again. I wish she would just leave my thoughts. For a moment I look up as if she's there, but all I see is the dark grey sky spilling down it's needless pity onto me and I sob again. Burying my face in my hands, I try not to think about her.

"Don't cry baby, It's okay."

No one's around so I scream in agony as the voice rings again and I bolt up to go on another painstaking jog. I can feel the cramp in my legs and the final push of my lungs and I eventually fall and wheeze inside an alley. I prop myself up against one of the walls and pull my hood over my head.

"Don't hide Chaeng! Show off!"

I knock the hood off my head at the memory. I get up again and walk this time slowly back to my complex. I go as slowly as I can up the stairs. Each step seems the heavier than the last and it might just be that my clothes are getting more soaked than they already were.

"Why don't we take the elevator?"

I hear her cute whine and unknowingly a small smile spreads across my face. I miss her, more than anyone could ever imagine. I wish she was here with me as I reach my apartment. The numbers on the door are crooked and rusted, but I stopped caring about that long ago.

"Come on, let's fix it together."

I scoff a little under my breath thinking about the word "together." It seems like a dream, much too far away for my liking, but I guess it's only a word anyway. I open my door and hear a small click as it closes behind me. It's still a mess and I don't have the heart to clean it, or even organize it a little.

"Chaeyoung, you aren't a pig! Clean!"

I laugh out loud this time. The privacy of my room makes me feel better than I thought it would. I decide I don't want to change and I just stay in my soaking clothes as they drop all over my floor. I see the other room, her room. I haven't opened it yet and I feel a little extra inclined to do so today.

"I don't need a room, I can just use yours."

I remember how she smiled while saying that. I remembered how she slept with me every night and only used her room to study. I remember the lullaby she sang when I couldn't sleep and all the little kisses I gave when she was studying.

"Go away Chaeng."

It hits like a knife when you hear those words from someone you love. She said so often to me that last week. I said sorry a million times and she never seemed to be okay with me anymore. She left earlier than when I woke up and came back late, and even if I had waited for her, she would never say hello.