I'm not crazy. (Camren)

Chapter 3- I miss her.

*Dream/flashback*
It was Christmas Eve. I had spent the entire day with Lauren and my family. The day went by nicely. Cuban food, warmth, Christmas songs, the smell of pine. However, now that my family had left and mother went to bed, it was just Lauren and I. We laid in front of the fireplace in each others embrace. The fireplace danced to the rhythm of our hearts. Soft Christmas music played and the smell of gingerbread and pine hit our noses. The TV was on ABC and was now playing rudolf the red nose reindeer softy amidst everything else going on. Lauren hummed quietly in my ear to the music and rocked me back and forth. I drifted off, but was snapped awake to Lauren softly kissing my ear. My body shook with electricity and I giggled. She moved down to my neck were she bit into my sweet spot and made music come out of my mouth. I could feel her smile as she sucked lightly. We had never had sex. We came close too. But I always chickened out. I felt like tonight was different though. It was special. It was real. Lauren took me off her lap, went in front of me, and slowly pushed me down where I was laying on my back. I could smell the sent of wanting erupt in the air. Lauren's eyes changed from soft to demanding. She slowly lifted my shirt and left slobbery kisses as she went up my stomach to my chest where she took my hard erected nipple in her mouth and sucked. My back arched and in return, Lauren moaned her hot breath onto me. I could feel myself throbbing under her. She slowly took off my shirt and went back up to my lips where she left light kisses and then surprised me when she took my bottom lip with her teeth. She quickly slipped off my Christmas covered PJ pants and kissed in between my thighs. I was dripping at this point. I always was embarrassed of it. The first time I was naked for Lauren I was straddling her while we were on the couch. We tried to watch Gone Girl, but I couldn't seem to keep my hands off of her. I got so turned on I dripped onto her pants. She giggled and blushed but I however, was engulfed in embarrassment. Lauren stripped off all her clothes in an instant after taking off my underwear. I could barely admire her figure because she slammed herself into my mouth. I wasn't complaining though, I liked the thought of it rough sometimes. I felt her juices drip down from out of her onto my legs. I moaned and begged for her to fuck me.
"Oh daddy please" I begged. I had learned Lauren had a daddy kink and I again, wasn't complaining. I didn't like boys but I was ok with the thought of a penis. I liked the way girls looked. The way they held themselves together. Girls are sexy and I always thought they were. I never felt the need, or want to have sex with a guy. The emotional and physical connection was never there. I never had crushes on guys growing up. I always wanted a girl to fuck me. If girls had penises, I'd probably be pretty ok with that. Lauren told me she had a daddy kink on the second date. We were in the back of her mustang and it was getting heated. She took out a strap on and put it on and told me to suck, so I did. She rubbed herself and put her hands in my hair while my head bobbed up and down. She demanded that I'd touch myself as well, to which I didn't have a problem with. We both were moaning and the cars temperature raised, leaving both of us dripping in sweat. I'm surprised no one outside heard us.
"Are you sure you want me kitten? I don't think you'll be able to take it" she smirked. I pouted and nodded my head. In return, she flipped me over and spanked my ass. I smiled and giggled. "Whats so funny kitten?" Lauren said tightening her teeth.
"Nothing daddy" I whispered. She slapped my ass again which made me wince.
"Good girl. I'm gonna get up to get the strap on in a couple of minutes. You're gonna have to take me in your mouth wether you like it or not" She moved my hips where she dry humped me and moaned out in pleasure. My eyes rolled to the back of my head. My ears started to ring as the voices came back. Great timing.
"She's only taking advantage of you" They all rang. I tried to ignore it but they were being loud.
"You whore"
"Such an ugly whore"
"Why would Lauren want to stick her cock in that fat whale" they gagged. Tears started escaping my eyes and Lauren was quick to notice.
"Baby are you ok!?" She rushed to hold me in her arms. "I'm sorry. I won't go as rough I promise" she cried out. Little tears escaped her eyes too. I hugged her and softly cried.
"It's not you" my voice cracked. Lauren immediately understood. She kissed my head and held me in her embrace. I knew that no matter what I said, there'd be a hint of her that always thought it was her fault. She always felt like everything was somehow her fault. I assumed it was because of her parents. She was always blamed growing up and yelled at for everything. I felt pity for her. She was like a little girl. Confused, scared, and lonely. We both didn't have the best childhood. Her mom was a drug addict and father an alcoholic. Eventually she got put into the foster care system where she was later adopted. We both were equally fucked up in the end. Our mental states took a toll on our relationship, but we both made it our goal to work on ourselves together. We'd catch each other if someone fell down, we encouraged each other to better our mental health and without that push, we both knew we wouldn't try. I loved Lauren and Lauren loved me.
*End of flashback/dream*

I awoke to the familiar sounds of screaming and the smell of dry blood. Tears escaped my eyes. I missed Lauren. I missed my home. I missed my friends. I had a rush of every emotion hit me as I sat in the corner of my mold-covered cell. I screamed as loud as I could and kept screaming. It was a release. The only other time I did this was when my mom brought home one of her boyfriends and he started sexually assaulting me. He grabbed my ass and told me I wanted him. I tried to run but he grabbed ahold of me. I screamed for my mom and she came running, only to later scream at him for what he did. I ran upstairs and threw up in the toilet. I cried and cried and screamed while scratching at my arms. Like I said, it was a release. It stopped me from thinking. It helped me feel better. My screaming was quickly put to a hold when a doctor rushed in covered in blood and grabbed my arm so hard it turned yellow.
         "You better shut it or I'll cut out your vocal chords" he barked. I spit in his face and he growled. "Nurse!" He yelled. A nurse rushed in with his response. "I think we have an appointment with patient #60078" he smirked. I squinted my eyes in disbelief. I wasn't taking any shits at this point. I wasn't scared of dying. The nurse left the room and came back with 4 others. They all grabbed me at once and threw me into a stretcher where they tied me down. I yelled and screamed as they pushed me down the flickering hallways. I didn't believe in god, but at this point, I thought it was only necessary to pray. As I wheeled passed patients rooms I could hear the whispers.
           "She's gonna get it"
           "At least doctor saw isn't taking me in"
After what seemed like 10 minutes the rolling stopped after we slammed into a large door at the end of a long hallway. The smell was putrid and rancid. Flys seemed to fly all around the blood soaked room. The only colors of it were red and white. Rats scurried back into the walls holding parts of rotting human flesh in their disease soaked mouths. I was moved onto a stereotypical surgery table. I continued screaming and tried with all my might to get out of the nurses grip. "Doctor saw" soon followed into the room with a syringe and stabbed my leg, paralyzing my whole body.
           "Do you think this is a game #60078?" He said with a muffle, his surgeons mask still covering his face. I stared in disbelief. He was dehumanizing me. He didn't seem to view me as a real person. Maybe it made it easier on him. "Well it's not, and today is your welcoming from me. You're lucky. I'm going easy on you" He took out a pair of garden sheers and started snapping at the air and chuckled. I was really scared at this point. I mean really fuckin scared. Lord Jesus fucking help me. I tried to open my mouth but I couldn't move my muscles. He slowly lowered the sheers and snapped off my big toes on both feet. I could hear the crack and crunch of the bone and the sound of my own blood protruding outwards. My eyes, flooding with water.