Darkwraith bk 2

chapter 2: magick-less

I was up before the sun, holding my palm facedown over a ladybug in the Stormhold’s backyard. The night hadn’t gone too well for me—not any better than the last. Though I didn’t dream of the watchers per se, their longing to be with me became overwhelmingly palpable as was the euphoria to command them. A hot shard of lightning split through me. This horrified and confused me both.

I squeezed my hand into a fist, frustrated that the little round bug didn’t respond to my subjections. I laughed a bitter, dry sound. “That’s because you have nothing left in you to manipulate—you have no magick, no gift!” She just sat there, twitching her lacy back wings. I was hoping to make it levitate, roll around—something!

“This is so stupid, I’m never going to get it back!” I dropped against the scratchy bark of a tree and sighed. Why couldn’t my gift come back as Alex said it would? I really wondered if I had offended it somehow by passing it onto Alex and the thought made me fester.

“Maybe I’m not giving myself a fair try.” Pushing the dread of all darkness aside, I took a deep breath and let my shoulders fall. A light breeze tickled through my hair as it slid down my shoulder. My mind became soft and I felt as if I was floating. I imagined the lady bug rising into the air, its little legs wiggling helplessly.

A hot thrill of excitement shot through me as I remembered the old feeling of magick-wielding.

“Oh please, oh please let it be true . . .” I whispered, afraid to open my eyes.

“What’re you doing?”

I jumped with a gasp and found Alex lowering beside me. Though his presence comforted me, I couldn’t help but think how I had been lying to him. I lifted on shoulder, “Oh, just trying to get this but to float I guess.”

“Hm.” He stared at the little bug, a furrow between his eyebrows.

I closed my eyes again, concentrating on the bug’s ascension, but Alex’s proximity distracted me. I opened my eyes and gazed at him. “I can’t do it.” Tears drowned his face away.

I heard him smile. “Of course you can, it’s easy.”

It took every ounce of strength to keep from scoffing. Bitterness crept up my neck. I bumped his shoulder a bit too hard. “For you maybe.” I huffed and folded my arms and peered at the yellow sky.

“Winter, let’s go for a walk, shall we?” He rolled to his feet and held out a hand.

I stared at it with a curled lip and considered the sensation of an early-morning stroll with my sweetie. “Sure, I guess.” I shouldn’t feel this way, but he only reminded me of how inadequate I was without my gift. Did the dark dreams have anything to do with my struggles?

“What are you thinking about?” Alex asked as we passed the white gazebo.

“Just how lost I am.” I did my best to keep the bitterness at bay. The last thing I needed was Alex grilling me about the strain behind my voice. As if I’d tell him anything. My mind drifted with the milkweed that dusted the breeze. My spirit felt lost, losing my magick side really surprised me. I hated how I felt so vulnerable, how it invoked darker feelings about myself.

“But you’re not lost.” Alex paused, pulling me into his warm, delicious embrace.

I loved how his sparkling eyes took me in. What would he think of me once he discovered the darkness that closely followed me? Worse, how I loved the power I felt over the Shadoweaver’s minions? I shivered.

“Are you cold?” He drew me closer, his hands causing friction up and down my back.

I folded my arms against his chest, tucking my head under his chin. I kept my eyes on the little dirt trail that cut through tall pine trees, wondering what all this meant and what would happen to me. I couldn’t just sit here and let myself go to waste. I needed to move on, find myself, but being here in a house where a friend had died didn’t help very much . . .

“Are you sure you’re okay?” His hand heavy on my shoulder. “I can always retrain you with your magick—it’s really no biggie.”

Oh, Alex, can’t you see there’s much more to that? I’m scared out of my mind to tell you about the things I shouldn’t be dreaming of as you’d so plainly pointed. Much worse, I think I even like it. Another fierce shiver attacked me. “It’s, it’s just so sudden.” I swallowed the knot down, before salting the wound with another lie. “I will be fine.”

Alex lifted my chin until our gazes meshed. “Promise?”

“Yeah, sure.” I gave a small shrug, dropping my gaze to his mouth. How could I say that while staring into his eyes? His smile wrinkled, and he dropped his lips to mine. I gasped, rolling mine inward. What if he could taste my secret?

“You don’t want to kiss me?”

I hated the hurt I saw. “Okay, fine.” I chewed on my lip. What I was about to tell him was like wound I did not want to reopen, but it would keep him away from the darker reason. “Okay, fine. Yes, I don’t feel the same anymore. I feel dark, hollow, angry, helpless.” My words and breath came faster and faster. “I have this hole in my heart that doesn’t want to leave me alone.” I closed my eyes and saw Dad’s withering body. “I can’t get Dad out of my mind, you know? The way he crumbled before my eyes and I never knew . . .” My throat ached to talk anymore and I lifted my eyes and pleaded with his. “And then there’s Jareth—”

Hot tears rolled quick down my cheeks and I swatted them away.

“What he did was his own doing, Winter. You do not need to feel sorry for him.” Alex stiffened under my hold.

I shook my head, sobs turning to dizzy gasps. I remembered Jareth’s sunshiny face when I had seen him in the Portal. The sudden image of the Shadoweaver disintegrating him with its power made me shiver. “I can’t believe that he’s, he’s gone, too.” I tried to pull away from his hold, but it only tightened. “All this is my fault.”

“No.” Alex gripped my face and made me look at him, his eyes intense. “None of this is your fault. None of it. It was Jareth’s greed for you that cost him his life.” His voice caught and a tear dropped from his lashes. I almost lost you.” He sucked on his bottom lip and sniffed.

I gazed at him and whispered, “I lost you, but I found you.” A sudden thrust of passion fired my blood and I lifted myself to my toes, the yearning to share a part of myself won. I brushed my lips against his. “I can’t bear the agony anymore, Alex.” I dropped back down. “I don’t want to lose you, I love you too much.”

“You won’t.” We kissed until I felt lost in his world. Floating, tilting, spinning. I clung tightly to his shoulders and delve deeper into him.

The feeling of loss cut through the haze of bliss and I finally braved the barest of reasons for my behavior. “I’ve lost myself, Alex. I don’t know who I am anymore. Who am I? Nancy’s daughter is much too simple. My dad’s daughter feels like a terrible dream.” I lifted my arms, staring at the blue veins. “Look at my blood. I am not who I once thought I was. Can you imagine what I’m going through? I try not to think about it, you know.” I took a step back, afraid of Alex’s perception of knowing what I truly meant. I was the Shadoweaver’s blood.

Alex’s eyes glinted ice and he marched the space closed between us. “I don’t care what kind of blood runs through those veins, Winter. Don’t you realize that? I love you—do you think any of it matters to me? Don’t do this to yourself. You are a great and wonderful person. Someone who has the most compassion and love and you’re not afraid to show it. It hurts me that you think this way. I love you.”

I stared at him, my chin trembling. My tears burned trails down my face. I am the Shadoweaver’s blood, shouldn’t that mean anything to you?

Alex pulled suddenly from me, his face hard, as he gazed over my shoulder. Remembering how the watchers had attacked Jareth in this same place not too long ago, I froze, unable to follow Alex’s line of sight. “Do,” I choked on panic, “do you see them?”

He shook his head, a furrow etched between his brows. “Wanda summons us. We are needed now.” He wrapped his hand around mine, his face pained. “Winter, I . . .” Alex closed his mouth, shook his head, and whispered, “we need to get going.”