Lost

Dread and Food

Y/N's POV

I feel so lonely... all I think about is her. I can't stop thinking about her, she was my best friend in the whole entire world. She meant everything to me, she still does... it's just no one understands me like she did. That's why I'm so lonely, she was my only friend... I know that that sounds stupid, people usually have more friends than just one, but she was the only person I could ever rely on. She was always there for me, no one else ever was, not even my parents. They don't even know about the scars that I have, or my anxiety and depression, they don't really care about how I'm feeling it's like I'm not even their own daughter...

Honestly, I might not even be their daughter. I look so different compared to them, I have dirty blond hair and they have brown hair I have green eyes and they have brown eyes. You know what? Maybe I'm just overthinking this, I could be... I get paranoid pretty easily. I could be secretly adopted... whatever, I need to stop overthinking things.

Okay, well I'm bored... I'm gonna go write an entry and a poem about my life in my so called "goth journal" or diary... its name is Dumbass

Dear Dumbass, my day has sucked ass so far. I woke up and my knife was in bed. It had cut my side a bit in my sleep. I honestly didn't care about getting cut, I just couldn't take the risk of my parents seeing any blood on my sheets. My mom would probably be clueless as usual and just think that I'm on my period, but my dad on the other hand is smarter than that... he might try to "investigate" my sheets and the situation because he's always talking about the job that he wanted, to be a detective. He's just a real estate agent though. My mom is a nurse and she's always busy so she would just think I'm moody and on my period. My parents are so annoying, they want me to leave my room instead of what they call "hibernating" in it. My mom is always trying to take me shopping and trying to make me wear bright colors like pink... 🙄 She thinks that if I wear black and grey then I'm going to give off negative energy. Like what the fuck does she know?

• 1 Black and grey make me look slimmer
• 2 I'm too lazy to try on a bunch of clothes
• 3 I feel triggered when something is too small
• 4 I feel fat when I try to fit in jeans
• 5 I think I might rip the clothes on accident
• 6 And lastly, I don't like how my mom judges how the clothes look on me. Just because I didn't get her skinny genes doesn't mean she can bitch about what I wear...

Do you relate Dumbass? ...No? Only me? Ok.
Well, I'll write another entry tomorrow Dumbass, good day.

Ok, now for my poem...

I'm haunted by her shadows,
Thinking that she's there...
Although I know my heart is now bare.
Hidden within me,
I hear a voice...
It's asking to be sacrificed.
I feel like I'm already gone,
As if my life is fully withdrawn.
It wouldn't matter to anyone if I left,
They never seemed to notice me anyway...
Not enough people care.
So why would it matter if I just disappeared?

(Btw, I've written all of these poems. No copyright.)

Another poem finished.

No drawings for today... I'm too lazy...

Im'a go to the fridge and get some food.
Ok, I'm back with a sandwich, a bag of Doritos to eat and put some in the sandwich, a pop tart, and later I'll have ice cream. I deserve some food for starving myself. I lost 3 lbs, I deserve something other than water.

I finished eating and went on my laptop to play Minecraft. I'm such a fuckin nerd. I'm gonna try to go to sleep...

A/N: Sorry it was short, I've been super busy lately. Luv ya, bye!