Remains

In A Week / Hozier

❝After all that time, Thomas still hadn't made any response to my gestures or quiet whispers, so I knew that I had to move on. 

His body had lost its warmth, and the red in his cheeks had faded to a pale white tone, his whole body having turned sickly-looking. I had no tears left to spend, so all I could do was gaze numbly down at the boy in my arms. 

I took a deep breath, hating myself for even thinking of leaving him. 

I had no idea how long I had sat with him, but I know it had been too long. The blood from the wound in my leg had clotted and dried, but the throbbing still remained, constantly pulsing. 

I took a deep breath and momentarily closed my eyes. I slowly let him down from my grasp, laying him down with care, so gently that he may as well have been a fragile piece of glass. 

The white lights that were shining above me were no longer luminous enough to brighten the dull aura that surrounded me. My thoughts were bleak, and my hope had fizzled out. I had lost all motivation to survive. 

It wasn't about me anymore. 

Thomas had died because the gunman wanted to prove he was a monster. A young, innocent boy suffered the loss of his mother, and then then he lost his own life. 

I realised that it was a metaphor for the entire situation. Everyone that was caught up in the attack had lost the battle against ignorance. The man who decided to do this had lost his humanity. 

We had all lost. There were no wins ahead of us anymore. 

The idea of defeat had torn me to shreds. 

I pulled myself away from Thomas, wincing. I stood, forgetting about the medical supplies that I had risked my safety to collect. The pain in my leg was nothing compared to the pain in my heart. 

I turned away from the boy's body, refusing to look at him again. I limped towards the end of the aisle, no clue of where I was going to go from there. I felt warmth spreading in my calf, the wound still red and angry. 

When I made it into the open, I decided to head towards where Elijah said everyone was held. I couldn't stand being alone anymore. My bare feet squeaked against the tile in an uneven rhythm, and my breaths sung out in a broken pattern. 

I'm so ready to leave. I just want this to be over. I can't do this anymore. 

I can't be strong anymore. 

Soon, I could see smears of red on the floor and slumped figures. My heart stopped. 

I knew this was it, and I wasn't sure how many people were still alive. 

I turned the corner, a lump in my throat. At that moment, I knew how many people were left, aside from me. 

None. 

The scene was horrific. There were people of all ages and colours, but they all had one thing in common. They were dead. Some people had their eyes closed, as if they were only sleeping, but others had their eyes open, emotionless and empty. 

I think that it was the eyes that shook me up the most. Nobody living would have eyes like that, spiritless and dim. It made the whole thing seem even more real. 

I was overwhelmed. I felt myself get dizzy, and my limbs get heavy. Nausea filled my stomach and my chest tightened. My eyes watered and my body trembled. I could feel myself shutting down. 

At once, my eyes rolled into the back of my head and my vision went dark. I dropped to the ground, and then I lost consciousness.❞