what it meant

. . .

When I was five, on the worst day of my life, I sneezed out a seed.

Shouts were thrown, Clothes were strewn, a broken glass lay scattered and my broken heart laid lonely. I was terrified my father was going to leave. I was terrified my mother was going to leave. My father went out for a drive, promising me as I cried that he'll come back later and leaving my mother with a red nose and swollen eyes from crying. It was supposed to be our night. Our family's night. Thhe distant echo of my relative's chatter quieted to concerned whispers and all I can hear was the small sound of th neighbor's television.

The countdown's began.

10

My heart ached and my eyes blurred, no longer wanting to cry but seeming like it was unstoppable.

9

I recieved a pair of glittering sandals for the holiday. I left it at the feet at my crying mother's feet as she sat snivelling, not feeling like I need it.

8

My Brother and sister were away, crying all the same with my relatives. I wonder why I stayed behind.

7

My feet are cold.

6

I wonder if it'll always be like this.

5

My purple shirt was wet from the insistent rubbing away of tears. It used to be my favorite. Snoopy and all

4

I hate this

3

The ground below was pebbled. The big tree in the lot was just recently cut down. The cars parked quietly

2

I sniffed before taking a breath. my nose itched and my throat ached.

1

An itch.

0

A loud bang resounded, bright colorful lights luminating the complex. The booms muffling the sound of my quiet sneeze.

A felt a small thump hit my small palms. a seed. . . ?

Looking around, i saw no one else, nothing else. I turned around, peeking through the door, seeing that my mother had left before I walked back out the cold air in the terrace. I tugged on a small pot, carefully placing th seed in, patting soil over it.

Standing back up, I went back, washing my hands before running outside the apartment, to join my family and watch the bright fire in the sky. I wonder what it all meant when they said happy new years