Not Yet

Chapter I

"I'm sorry"
"This hurts me too"
"I just need time"
"I promise we'll be back together"

   So many words that were unspoken. So many promises left in the past. The many networks between the two of them protecting her from seeing the truth behind his lies. She believes his every word and is hanging by the small thread of hope that is left inside her.  Loyal, she awaits the day that his words are fulfilled.
   She ignores the comments of her friends telling her what he has hidden from her. She ignores the pictures being put on social media websites of him with another in his arms. Pretending to not care as she watches the love of her life dance throughout his life as of she never existed. With a mind of a thousand wonders, she keeps her head held high and acts as if their love had never come to be. She acts as if she isn't dying on the inside.
   Her lips are craving the feeling of his once more. Her hands have not been held by another for so long that she has forgotten the feeling. A bed made for two but she lay alone because the meer thought of another laying with her feels like a sin. She craves his affection. She craves his warmth.
   Distant memories of what once was haunt her in the darkest of nights. Gripping for deal life onto the memory of what his scent was. Awaken every morning by tear stained cheeks from the dreams of their separation happening once more. Over and over it plays through her head. Hoping deep down that time will fix her broken heart, she pushes her feelings deep within.
   She has made a new reputation for herself. She is now known as a jokester. She is known for making the most uncomfortable situations happy. She covers so much by the things she says to make others laugh. They don't notice her dull eyes.
  They don't notice that she stops smiling the second they look away. They don't notice that the smile they see is fake. The knot like feeling in her chest has subsided. After weeks of over thinking and constant sadness she has went numb. She is completely numb.
   Life does not feel real to her. A cloud like film covers her daily events. Life seems to have physically gotten darker. To her the happiness of others matters more than her own. She is a shoulder to cry on for all that need her because she is aware of the feeling of being upset without anyone to help.
   She pushes away anyone that is remotely interested in her mental health. She doesn't want to be a burden. Locking herself away from all of society unless she has to go out. Pillows constantly wet from her tears but nobody needs to know. She lays crying for hours for reasons even she isn't aware of.
   It seems as though even with the numbness she is feeling she cannot stop the streams in her eyes. She doesn't want anyone to help her. She doesn't want another's comfort. she refuses to get  pity from another person. She wants to be independent, because without him what's the point of having anyone else?