I was back. On the bridge, looking over the water. It was beautiful, so dark yet welcoming. It beckoned me, the urge so great. I took a tentative step forward, thinking about the cocoon that would keep me warm once I dove. The back of my mind screaming about the drop, the water, the fact I couldn't swim. My mind swirled with so many thoughts that I was struggling to cut short.
With great effort I kept in mind how long my torment had controlled me. No time for guilt, I thought, whilst petering on my toes on the rail I had managed to climb on during my internal debates. My aura was a cloud infront of my eyes momentarily.
'Screw this.' I whispered to myself, on a breathy exhale, watching as my statement gathered the frost from the air and blew it away from me. Cowardly as my act was, I decided to do it as courageously as possible. I turned with steady feet, my balance coming gracefully from my new found confidence. Planting my feet a shoulder width apart, I raised my arms to match the wingspan of a swan, and then slower than I would've thought, I fell, my body going slack.
The dive had taken a slow effect, as if it were savouring every thing surrounding me. I felt as if the trees and creatures watched me, though I knew they did not. I expected to feel free, to escape whatever it was I was running from for even I didn't know, but I did not. I felt as trapped as ever as my gaze slid skyward, towards the bridge of which I had just plummeted from. The fall was longer than I had anticipated, not as quick as I had wished, or maybe it was just me.
As I continued to look upward, a face broke the perfect picture I had. A boy, almost a man looked fearfully down at me. His features undefined from so far away and all I could tell was that he was beautiful, and that his aura was darkened by raw grief.
'No!' was the scream I heard before the water shattered around me.
*
I woke with gasps straining my lungs. God dammit. That dream. Nightmare. Ugh. I rolled over to peek at my alarm clock, knowing the time before I saw it. 05:30. A groan escaped from myself that sounded like 'Why?', with far too many 'y's. But I couldnt be sure with my breathing still erratic and my senses still conditioning themselves, I had no idea where I even was.
I gave my body time to recover, whilst going over my latest dream. Same place, same thoughts, same stranger. Same everything. That got old quickly. It had been months since my last dream, the sleeping pills my aunt had given me had let me sleep all night, every night for three months. Guess my refuge was over, and there was no mistaking that I was thoroughly disappointed.
Knowing there was no hope of further sweet dreamless sleep, I sat up in my bed and rubbed my eyes vigorously trying to gather my bearings. And when I did a faint wave of pain snuck into my chest. Today was my last day, I was leaving home today.
Leaving on a one way trip to hell.
