Over the edge

Prologue

 I've never felt like a beautiful girl. I've never felt like an intelligent or a talented girl. I've never felt like someone special. But being special is what I crave the most. Much to my regret I'm not gifted with any of these qualities, neither beauty, nor intelligence or talent. For once in my life I want to be special to someone, to anyone. Only once in my life I wish someone would look at me and examine my pale appearance in pure admiration. I wish someone would see my blue veins shining through my almost transparent skin without thinking about me as a freak. I wish someone could fall in love with the few uninviting freckles on my nose and around my cheekbones. People used to judge me for being all by myself in the schoolyard, sitting in a corner reading. They used to judge me for my shyness and my need for being alone. People told me I'm awkward because I scratched my skin when I was nervous or because I laughed when noone else did. I just wish someone would really see and recognize me and think about all these weird things about me as adorable features.

 Sometimes I'm sitting in front of my mirror and staring at my face, trying to tell myself I am pretty. I'm looking for a hint of beauty, but all I can see is my reflection desperately staring back at me. The longer I hold up my glare, more flaws attract my attention. I guess when everyone tells you how ugly and fat you are, one day you catch yourself repeating their verdicts in your mind again and again and you'll start believing them. Everything I'm telling myself slowly fuels the progess of my mental and emotional self-destruction. But noone can change my thoughts.
 When I look into the mirror, all I see is a mess; a little girl, broken and lost.