Conditional Love

Chapter 23

As Alec wakes from his nap, he can feel Magnus' fingers gently moving through his hair. Alec keeps his eyes closed, but sighs in content as he snuggles closer to his lover.

"Did you sleep at all?" Alec mumbles the question, basking in the comfort of his boyfriends arms.

"I slept a bit." Magnus murmurs as he continues to stroke Alec's hair. "I can't stop thinking about what Valentine said... about you flatlining on the table."

Alec slowly sits up so he can see his boyfriend's face. "Magnus," he says, cupping Magnus' cheek, "Sleep, don't worry about me. I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere."

Magnus turns his head and kisses Alec's palm. "I know, it's just... when I found you, I thought I was going to lose you forever. As I was treating you, it was like this out of body experience. I knew I was going through the motions, but it just didn't seem real."

Alec looks at Magnus, then pulls him in for a kiss. It's slow, filled with love and sorrow. He never wants Magnus to feel that way again. When they pull apart, Magnus looks like he's going to cry.

"Lets not think about that right now, okay. Instead I want to talk about our fight," Alec says, but Magnus is shaking his head no.

"Yes," Alec says firmly. "Our communication sucks! We need to talk about this, and we need to tell each other how we feel. Otherwise, the same thing is going to continue to happen over and over again."

"Alexander," Magnus sighs. "I was being an ass. I didn't think about you, and I was being insensitive to your past. I know you have a hard time trusting people, and I pushed you. I overreacted, and for that, I am so so sorry."

"But that's the thing. I didn't know you felt that way. I thought everything was going great, maybe even better than before. I had no idea that you were harboring all of those thoughts. Before our breakup, it took us months to be ready to meet each other's families. It didn't occur to me that we were going to pick up right where we left off. I assumed that we were starting over."

Alec paused for breath before continuing. "And yes, I did have some reservations about meeting your parents. I know I've met your father already, but that was in a social setting. Meeting them for a family dinner is completely foreign to me. I've never done the whole 'meet the parents' thing before. Then there's Ragnor. That man scares the shit out of me! And I've been a coward about going out with the two of you. I know I broke your heart when we broke up, and I felt like I couldn't face him. And as far as my family goes, yes I've let you meet and spend time with my siblings, but when it comes to my parents... uh, the Morgensterns', I felt that if I had you join in on our dinners, I was setting myself up for further disappointment for when you eventually end things with me." By the time Alec finishes his speech, Magnus is looking at him with wide eyes which doesn't lessen Alec's fears.

"Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry that I didn't speak to you about this before I blew it up," Magnus says as he rests his forehead against Alec's. "First, let me just say that Ragnor was totally Team Alec. He gave me the same riot act that everyone else did." Magnus chuckles and Alec can't help but smile. "I also didn't know about your insecurities around meeting my parents. Hell, when I told them about what happened with us, they told me that I was an idiot. But at the same time, had I known how you were feeling, I would have done all that I could to ease your fears. The same thing goes for joining your family dinners. And finally, if you haven't noticed yet, I'm completely in love with you. I'm not going anywhere."

"I love you too. So, so much," Alec gives Magnus a chaste kiss on the lips. "But from now on, can we please start communicating better? I promise to voice my fears and insecurities, and I hope that you will tell me if I'm doing something that bothers you. I kinda don't like feeling like a confused idiot." Magnus laughs at that, then agrees.