Drarry Smut and One Shots

Routine

Draco was an early bird.

Every day he would wake up no later than 9 o'clock, he would then proceed with his morning routine which he mentally checked off after completing each task.

Wake up? Check
Take a shower? Check
Apple juice? Check
Apple juice? Check
Apple juice? Check
Get dressed? Check check and check

Draco Malfoy was organised but the same couldn't be said for his dorm mate Harry Potter.

Harry hates the morning more than anything.

His morning routine was always rushed and messed up he would do that instead of this and this instead of that as well as occasionally making a huge mess in the process.

His morning routine for example looks like this:
REDACTED
Wake up
Lick his scabs
Get dressed
Take a shower
Stick a whole lemon up his ass
Pray
Rave

A mess.

And Draco mother heck dang Malfoy was having none of it from now on.

***

"HARRY POTTER"

Harrie awoke with a jolt getting his leggys tangled in the blankets causing him to trip out of bed.

"Dude What the hell"
"I'm tired of you always making a huge mess every morning and it's time that you create some healthy habits!"
"He-hell habits?"

Draco facepalmed into a face palm and groaned in agony, this will take a while.

***

"Harry you have to use the electric tooth brush in your mouth" sighed Draco gesturing to the mess in front of him.

"But my black hole needs to get cleaned it still smells like apple juice" said Harry nonchalantly.

Draco slapped his face "get it together Dicko soon he will have established a healthy morning routine" he sobbed to himself looking at the reflection of John Mulaney in the window.

"I'm done" Draco put on a fake smile and turned around to face Harry who had taken the toothbrush out of his anal cavity and actually decided to use it for its proper function and was now grinning with a set of pearly whites.

"Well done Harry, now we need to get you dressed I have already picked out an amazing outfit to start your day with"

Harry moaned "Draco I'm old enough to dress myself"

"No you're not"

"Yeah you're probably right"

He lead Harry into their shared bedroom and took him over to his bed which had a pair of black ripped jeans, a pierce the veil t-shirt, a fishnet undershirt, a harness, black makeup, black socks, and a pair of BTS themed sneakers.

"Why is there no underwear" whined Harry as he slipped on the harness.

"It's an outfit you absolute cunt" Draco helped Harry into the harness tightening straps and such then watched him put the rest of the clothing on.

"You look like shit even with my amazing fashion advice but at least it's a little less shit than you usually look" he flipped his long blonde hair over his shoulder as he sashayed into the kitchen where he had prepared a healthy meal of orange.

Draco slid the orange over to Harry "what the fuck am I supposed to do with this?" Draco chuckled "eat it, like the slut you are" Harry sensually opened his mouth and stuffed the whole orange in as Ginny Weasley walked out of the house.

"Dracuh I cahnt breave" Harry was starting to choke.

"Good that's kink training for you baby b" Draco then left the stage as Harry choked to death.

"Thank you for coming to my Netflix special at radio city everyone, I am John Mulaney and my dog has eaten your さかな thank you and goodnight" John Mulaney then exited the stage as the body was removed and Mariska Hargitay walked on.

"I am Mariska Hargitay and I am the milf dream"

THE END

Written by glxyblu (he/him)