Everything's Different, Nothing's Changed

Chapter Three: With So Little To Be Sure of

Set after 2x18. After being rejected by FP, Alice goes back to Hal and FP sees them embracing at Carrie The Musical. In this one shot, FP has already began drinking again.

Alice could not let things go. If she were in sports, she would be the leader in athletics of holding grudges. Unlike most, Alice refused to let bygones remain bygones. She needed answers, for living in a world of past-and-present accumulated question marks would be unbearable. The main focus of her question marks was about FP Jones. He made her feel out of control. Her behaviour changed. Almost like her and an an alter-ego were in battle. The her, who was vulnerable, who needed care and love. The alter-ego she had embodied since moving to the Northside; an uptight nature, a missile on the verge of overheating as she was so full of emotion that it made her feel angry. This perfect mother, wife, friend, journalist.

FP had made her forget the facade. She felt young again, like the girl who was so enamoured with the Southside bad boy that her vision was unable to focus anywhere else. She felt like they had never spent any time apart when she slept with him again after all those years. She felt like she could perhaps return to being that girl. Until FP rejected her. Determined to get answers about the authenticity of their relationship and night spent together, she had went to Pop's to see him. She asked him to come see her in the play. He looked up at her with eyes like ice; "I'm working, Alice. Sorry" he deadpanned. Was he sorry? Or did he just not want her? Maybe his opinions of her had changed since high school. Maybe he didn't find her so attractive anymore, and she could guess why; she was damaged. Men don't like damaged. Or was he angry? After all, it was Alice who initiated it by showing up at his trailer, blouse unbuttoned to reveal cleavage, maroon lipstick smeared on her almost puckered lips. Did he think she was doing it for selfish reasons or that she had ulterior motive? Maybe she did.

Did she do it because she wanted FP? Did she still feel something for him? Or, did she just want to feel young and rebellious, after years of being married and suffocated into a lifestyle she loathed by Hal? Was it revenge on him because he had an affair with Penelope Blossom, of all people? Alice didn't know. But she did know one thing: rejection hurt, especially when that rejection came from FP. He was so cold to her, and his aloofness came with ease. Did he want her to feel as insecure and insignificant as she had made him feel by annihilating him weekly in the Register? Did he want to get his own back after she had rejected him for Hal? Was that what their relationship had come to; a constant cycle of revenge? These were all the thoughts that surreptitiously spun in Alice's mind as she drove to Sunniside Trailer Park. She could feel the rage building. Or was it sadness?

Alice got out of the car and walked up the steps onto the porch. She knocked on the door, nerves running through her so fast that her blood went cold. FP swung open the door, his bloodshot eyes looking into hers. His shoulders hunched and he looked away. "Alice" he stated. "What are you doing here?" He was drunk, that much was obvious. She sighed. "Can I come in or are you that cold you won't even let me into your house?"

He shook his head, walking away from the door and slumping down onto the couch. Beside him were three beer bottles. Alice felt sick. She walked over and snatched them up, her forehead creasing into a furious frown. "What are these? Are you drinking again, FP?" He looked her dead in the eyes, his face baring no expression as he chewed down on his gum. Alice rolled her eyes, placing them down on the table. "Well, I can't say that I am surprised. I knew your sobriety would last all of ten minutes."

"Oh, I'm so sorry to disappoint you Alice. Sorry I'm not perfect. I mean Jesus what is this? You come over to make yourself feel better by putting me down, is that it?" Alice tensed at his harsh words.

"No. I came for answers as to why you were such an asshole at Pop's. Why would you be so cold to me after what we did?"

"What we did was a mistake" he replied. Alice went cold, her mind filling with the desire for the ground to swallow her up.

"You really believe that?"

"You're married, Alice. Were you just bored with Cooper?"

Alice dismissed him. "It didn't matter that I was married the other night, FP. Don't act like your such a man of morals. What makes you think you know anything about my marriage? Where's your wife, exactly?"

FP ignored her cutting comment. "Sure looked cosy at the school the night of your play" he said accusingly. Alice frowned.

"What? You weren't at the p-" Alice gathered her thoughts, nodding subconsciously as her mind pieced it together. "You came?" She whispered, hesitantly taking a seat next to him on the couch. FP was sat at an angle that meant his back was facing her. He sat hunched over, his arms leaning on his knees.

"Yeah. I did. But when I got there it seemed you had a change of heart about your plus one" he replied bitterly. Alice hesitated.

"He's my husband, FP."

"Well he wasn't even living with you when you were here the other night, what changed? Huh?"

She took in a deep breath and looked at him, eyes icy. "You didn't want me. Do I just not do it for you anymore?" FP turned to face her, his face curled into a frown. His eyes widened, as though what she had just said was ludicrous. "Oh, so just because I don't fall at your feet like you want me to after so many years of you treating me like a piece of garbage. I mean, what is this Alice? You spend years ruining my reputation in your damn newspaper, then you ask me for a favour when your son killed some guy, then you sleep with me, show up at my work asking me out and then get back together with your husband? What is it you want from me, Alice?"

Alice flinched as his monotone voice quickly progressed into full blown rage. FP steadied himself, sighing with regret at his outburst. She looked down at the floor, her mind and body consumed with guilt. She was being selfish. She knew he had every right to be angry. "I want you to care" she stated. FP looked at her sadly.

"Why else would I be so angry?" He responded calmly. Alice's eyes started to brim with tears as she glanced at his damaged expression, then to the beer bottles on the counter. "That" she pointed, "is not the answer, FP."

He nodded, his body radiating his shame. "I know. I'm going to a meeting first thing tomorrow." Alice moved closer, placing her hand on his thigh. He let out a breath, as though that exhale had released the weight of the world from his shoulders. Despite his agitation, he remained under her touch. "You're married. I'm married. I have wife and a ten year old daughter who I really want to be a father to again someday. Our kids are dating. This doesn't have a happy ending, Al. This can only end one way. Pain. Betrayal. I care about you. So much, but I can't give you the answer that you want. I'm sorry. I don't think we can save each other, we just need to focus on saving ourselves now."

Alice knew he was right. They needed to put their feelings aside, not because they didn't care about each other, but because it was what's right. Although her mind rationalised this, her arms reached up to hold his face. He looked at her. She looked into his eyes deeply, not sure exactly what she was hoping to find. A tear trailed down her cheek. "How many times, FP? How many times will we make the mistake of pushing each other away?"

FP's face twisted in pain. He reached out to wipe away her tear, stroking her cheek gently. He then used both of his hands to remove hers from his face. He sniffed, pulling away hesitantly from her grasp. His eyes, a second ago filled with despair, resumed their hard demeanour. "Until it sticks" he whispered.

Hello guys! Hope you enjoy this new chapter. My next chapter will focus on the aftermath of "The Tell Tale Heart" in which FP and Alice share a moment at Pop's after he buries Dwayne's body for her.

Please comment if you liked this chapter, give it a vote and please send me prompts!