The Downside

Chapter 1

Joining the school mid-year was difficult. Impossible. It seemed as though rather than thinking of you as a person, people believed you were an infection. Sudden, and new. As though you would weed your way into everything and disrupt the stability they worked hard to build for themselves. I want stability too. That was last year at Riverside Day Prep, the end of my middle school career. This was high school, and it wasn't the workload, the friendships, or the pressure that made it impossible. It was her. 

I hadn't known what her name was at first, crowning her with the title of "That Girl" for the first term. It wasn't until the end of the first term, when she was dubbed MVP for Varsity Basketball did I know her name: Amy. Amy Robinson.

First came the staring, the jitters, the rush of adrenaline seeming to rush up my spine. Simple eye contact would make my knees buckle. Next came the shaky hands and the eyes darting away from brief moments of eye contact. It was an infection of its own, but without a cure. Instead, I resorted to admiration from a distance. It never felt as though the imaginary barrier could be broken between us.  

Until last Thursday. I was walking along the main school corridor, heels clicking as I rushed to my first class of the morning. I looked up briefly, and noticed her walking towards reception, towards me. In three seconds, I made a decision that would arguably be the very thing that sets off a chain on uncertainty and events. 

"Hi Amy," loud and clear, my voice rang out above the external noise of kids chatting in the hallway. She looked up, more startled than she was surprised. I saw her mouth move, but I couldn't process the words before we crossed paths. But I think she tried to say hi back too. 

I sped to class, feeling as though I could escape the sheer embarrassment by running away from it. I glanced backwards, seeing her push through the heavy reception doors, and feeling as though I blew my one chance of not being a weird stranger. It wasn't uncommon for kids to greet one another, even if they didn't know each other personally. In fact,  everyone starts out as a stranger initially. 

However,  Amy. Amy was different. I could feel it. There must be more to those hazel eyes, messy bun, and charming smile. I didn't see that smile often, but the few moments I bore witness to it, it was as though every neuron fired at twice the speed. I was shocked. It was the basketball game, the only one I ever watched. She was amazing on the court, dribbling past the opposition, and performed layups with a graceful composure. Everyone cheered as she made the final shot, and so did I. 

I couldn't get her out of my head, I simply couldn't. Even knowing that this was a shallow, shallow, infatuation, I was willing to let myself fall a little, because she can't break a nerd's heart if she doesn't know the nerd.