Time

Failure

You have a looked in the mirror and saw someone you could not recognize. Yep that was me, someone people taught had it all always happy with the perfect life. I don't know why bad things happen to me. I'm scared to tell my story because I scared to hear what people have to say about me . But now I'm ready to speak out these are the things that I have to say. My life wasn't always pure gold nor was it hell it was just in between. You may call me a grateful but I think that I had a really rough time too. Some days I have money some days I'm flat broke and worried isn't that scary. Do you know how it feels to be on the top of the world one day and the next day feeling like the only thing you have is an empty box. My dad left at a pretty early age so I had no male figure in my no male figure my life. I didn't know what to look for in boy. Like if they would open doors for me, pull out my chair kiss me on the forehead tell me I'm beautiful even thought I'm insecure. I dated anyone who would take interest in me. They fell in love with things that didn't made me "me". Some fell I love with my lawless behavior I didn't care about anything but my self. This behavior came from a lack of love and care fueling hurt and pain. Maybe they fell in love with my hips. The way I walked like no one was watching fueling my thirst for attention and the missing feeling of love. Or maybe the makeup I wore to hide the tear marks I hid from the world. No one was fixing the real problem. A broken little girl. I don't believe that life is always fair but my childhood could a grown man cry. Have u ever felt like the only person that loved you was you. That may sound like a good thing but trust me, your not always going to be strong enough to carry your own weight. Having no one to fall back on can make your weight heavier. Who could love someone so broken ugly fat I wouldn't . I went  through so many boys looking for someone to find the right puzzle pieces and put them together. We live in a cold world life didn't allowed that. I had so many reasons to end it end it all so I could see who really gave a fuck. I'm sorry about my potty mouth but this just kills me inside. My soul screams in agony why don't I just let it free like a butterfly. Trapped in a cage of depression pain neglect and anger. These words bounce back and forth in my brain. Is this life??? Is this what people in hospitals fighting for ?? Why would you fight to be in traffic bills pain working jobs that doesn't pay. Why it never made sense people are so cruel and mean. They do things and want u to forget about because it happened years ago. NO this things stick to the minds of the hurt and life is so unfair so people leave this earth because they crossed that breaking point. Not knowing that there is a way back.