ive wanted you and only you for more than two years already
no matter how much we argue, end up not talking for weeks, even months, my feelings for you do not vanish
i want these feelings to go away
but my love for you is too strong
i need to realize my worth
but you make me so happy
yet so sad
i even make myself sad knowing you wont ever like me
"i see you as a great friend"
you say to me as i cry behind the screens
i cry all the time knowing that these feelings wont ever be reciprocated
youre beautiful
youre funny
your gentle and kind
but you cant be mine
i want you to be happy, i really do
no words can explain how much i love you
i know i seem crazy, but thats just it
crazy for loving you, crazy for loving you this way
you put others happiness before your own
and i love that about you
you care about others feelings, even if it makes you sad
and i love that about you
but i cant have you
what do i have to change about myself
in order for you to like me too
i gain hope on some days
but i have to come to realization that im just a "great friend"
a cute text and a nice gesture makes my heart flutter
but i have to remind myself that it doesnt mean anything
im jealous of those youve liked and loved
jealous of how they were able to be loved by someone like you
and i will never stop being jealous
im insecure about who i am
im not pretty, and im not skinny or have a nice body
and thats probably a reason why im not liked by you or anyone in general
ive tried having crushes on other people,
but in the end i realized that they were a rebound.
they were someone i can think about and push the thoughts of you to the side
i always crawl back to you after everything
even when my friends tell me i shouldnt
but youre someone that makes me genuinely happy
i cant express how i feel towards you because every time we talk about these things, youre so blunt
i lost count at how many times you told me that you only saw me as a friend
so why am i holding on?
why am i stuck on you?
why cant i move on?
i ask myself these questions every. single. day.
and i cant answer them
when we fight, a part of me is missing
i want to change everything about me so im able to be what you want
i know i can treat you right
but you wont be mine.
you get cuter and cuter everyday
and i have to control myself
i try avoiding some conversations with you because i want these feelings to vanish
but i always come back
i put so much effort into you and receive little to nothing back
you telling me to move on hurts
i know, i know i have to
i wish this love was never so strong
im looking forward to college because i dont have to see you everyday and have my feelings grow more
i want these feelings to go away
let me say this
its hard to stay close friends when all i want is for you to be my girlfriend
but since you wont ever, being close friends has to cut it
i have to constantly remind myself that you dont like me at all
it hurts
it really hurts
i cant stop crying
knowing that you wont ever be mine
i wish i changed everything about myself to your liking
i have to move on
i wish i can lose hope
but im always getting my hopes up that somethings there between us
but theres not.
