If you want love, you're gonna have to learn how to change.
》》RYAN'S POV《《
I just need some time, I'm tryna think straight
I just need a moment in my own space
Ask me how I'm doin', I'll say "okay, " yeah
But ain't that what we all say?
"Ryan? Ryan? Are you okay? Baby talk to me please!" Tessa holds my face in her hands. "Ryan, don't do that. You'll die.
"Tess, baby leave. You shouldn't see me like this." I hide my needle behind my arm. She sobs and looks at my arm, at the old needle marks.
"Ryan, you can't do this. You'll die." She yells, as if that can stop me. I know shes not really here. I feel it. Its still cold. Shes not here.
"I was dead the day I left you in that hospital."
Sometimes I think back to the old days
In the pointless conversations with the old me
"YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME, RY!" She cries into my chest. "If you die, what happens to me?! Do I move on, date Mac? Love someone else? You know I can't. You know once I find out you're dead I'll die. You left to protect me."
Yeah, back when my momma used to hold me
I wish somebody woulda told me
If you want love, you gon' have to go through the pain
"Tess, what am I supposed to do, without you I am nothing."
"Make yourself better. For me. And then make it right with me."
If you want love, you gon' have to learn how to change
"How am I supposed to do that, Jesus Christ Tessa?? I'm me! I was never good. Not for you."
"Go to therapy, help yourself. I promise it'll work."
If you want trust, you gon' have to give some away
"YOU'RE A FAKE VERSION OF MY TESS. AND YOU STILL SEE THE LIGHT IN ME. CAN'T YOU SEE HOW SCREWED UP I AM? FOR GODS SAKE, YOU'RE IN MY HEAD!"
"Trust me, Ryan. I'll be real very very soon. " She smiles brightly. "I love you." She starts fading.
If you want love, if you want love
"TESSA! COME BACK PLEASE. FOR GODS SAKE. I NEED YOU."
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I wake up, annoyed already. The needle was on the nightstand empty, and beside it my phone was buzzing constantly.
I picked it up and squinted. "For God's sake." I rolled my eyes and answered the phone. "Selena, I was trying to sleep. Do you understand how little sleep I get? I'm tired. I can't hang out, no I don't want to come over, no I did not forget about the papers due Thursday. No, I haven't bought Sarah's present yet. No no no. Now can I please go to sleep. "
"Ryan, she's moving here." She whispers very quietly over the phone.
"Sarah? Thats great. Kay. Im gonna hang up now."
"NO YOU IDIOT NOT SARAH. TESSA!"
"TESSA?" I sit straight up.
"Yes, i-"
"Get over here, now."
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