11 Years On... - An Alec Lightwood SongFic

11 Years On...

A/N: Hello everyone and welcome to 11 Years On...! This is a One-shot based off of Germany's EuroVision 2018 song, You Let Me Walk Alone (Michael Schulte). The song is above if you'd like to listen to it. The lyrics will be in italics. Enjoy!

Word count: 1186

It's 2018. Eleven years since Alec's little brother died at the had of that monster they called Sebastian. He and Magnus were watching the finale of EuroVision, something Magnus enjoyed greatly, so Alec did it for him. The shadowhunter hadn't paid much attention to the last song, Serbia, according to Magnus, but something about the German caught his eye. The English commentator had called him 'The German Ed Sheeran', so Alec was interested in him. Sheeran's songs were usually among Alec's favourites, so he was intrigued as to what the German, apparently named Michael Schulte, could bring to the table. He leaned back on the sofa and put an arm around his warlock boyfriend as the music started playing.

I'm a dreamer,
A make believer,
I was told that you were too.

Alec was immediately reminded of Max. When he was little, Alec himself would make up stories of himself and Izzy going on raids and defeating the most powerful demons out there. Max? Why, Max was THE dreamer. Always reading stories and even making his own up, except they weren't about demons and battles, they were about love and hope.

I love the silence,
And a clear horizon,
And I got that all from you.

Max was always the quiet one. The one that would stay out of the way unless the horizons were clear of demons and then he would become the life of the Institute. He had learned to stay out of the way, Alec thought with dismay, but then again, who would blame him? He was a sweet 9 year old, not old enough to fight but not young enough to not be home alone. After Max died, Alec became the same really, loving the peaceful moments when all was good and he could just cuddle with Magnus.

Every now and then I'm drawn to places,
Where I hear your voice or see your face and,
Every little thought will lead me right back to you.

Alec saw Max everywhere, he knew he did. In the little kids playing in Central Park, in the comic book stores by the Institute. He often visited the boy's room, just to get a little of him back. Alec often thought he heard Max talking to him, telling him everything would be okay and he believed him, believed the voice he so desperately wanted to hear full of life again.

I was born from one love of two hearts,
We were three kids and a loving mom.

Alec had been the first kid, back when Robert and Maryse still loved each other, a time before the Uprising. Izzy came when things were falling apart and Max was the third, arriving when it was too late. But it didn't matter. They had had Maryse and that was all they needed. Robert can take Annamarie and shove her where the sun doesn't shine for all he could care. All he needed were his siblings and his mom. That's all he ever needed. That hadn't changed, not even when Max left.

You made this place a home,
A shelter from the storm.

Alec knew that Max made the Institute home. He made the old church full of hope and love and laughter. All the things Alec missed.

You said I had one life
And a true heart.

Max had told him to cherish life no matter what because it was too important to waste it. Alec used to ignore that advice but once Max had passed he realised how right he was. Smart kid, Max was.

I tried my best
And I came so far.

Alec had always tried his best, no matter what. He had always seemed not good enough to his parents and he was always determined to change their mind. Never worked though.

But you will never know
'Cause you let me walk this road
Alone.

It was true. Ever since the youngest Lightwood died, he seemed to be left alone on the road of life. Izzy and Jace had Clary and Simon, not to mention they had to save the world. Sure, he had Magnus, but no one would ever be as close to him as Max was.

My childhood hero
Will always be you
And no one else comes close

The day the only other blue-eyed Lightwood was born changed Alec's life. At that point, he was old enough to go on minor missions, so he made it his life's work to protect his little brother. Max was Alec's childhood hero. The little boy was always calm and intuitively, never complaining when he was left out, simply turning to manga.

I thought you'd lead me
When life's misleading
That's when I miss you most.

When his life got hard, Alec always thought he'd have Max to keep him grounded, to stop him doing things he'd regret later. After he was gone, only Magnus was able to stop him from doing the unspeakable.

Every now and then I'm drawn to places
Where I hear your voice or see your face and
Every little thought will lead me right back to you.

Even this song reminded him of Max, but it was too similar to his experiences to not, let's be honest.

I was born from one love of two hearts
We were three kids and a loving mom

Even when Jace arrived, the three Lightwoods were inseparable, either Alec or Izzy (or both, leading to massive arguments between the two) offering to stay behind with Max with every mission. It didn't matter who won, they knew the other would look after their baby brother.

You made this place a home
A shelter from the storm.

The Institute wasn't really a home anymore. It was dark and desolate, everyone focused on their own thing.

You said I had one life
And a true heart
I tried my best
And I came so far

Alec had made amazing progress with the downworld after all was said and done. The world was safe, the next step was uniting the Shadow world. Alec had been a massive contributor to that, being engaged to a High Warlock, and he was glad he was changing the world.

But you will never know
'Cause you left me on this road
Alone.

Max was only nine. He never got to truly experience life... something Alec always wished wasn't true. But that was just the way it was.

I was born from one love of two hearts
We were three kids and a loving mom
You made this place a home
A shelter from the storm

You said I had one life and a true heart
I tried my best and I came so far
But you will never know
'Cause you let me walk this road

Alone.

Alec didn't realise he was crying until the song finished and the applause begun. Magnus squeezed him gently.
"Max?" The warlock asked quietly and Alec nodded in return. Magnus said nothing, just placed a tender kiss on Alec's forehead, before they both turned back to the TV as the next song, Albania, began to play.