Dear Luke,
There are so many things left to say that I never told you before. But first of all, I want to thank you for everything you ever gave me and have ever done for me. And I want to tell you that I lied; I didn't change my mind about you like I said.
I listened to Amnesia like you told me to. I can't believe after all this time and after all that I've done, you still have it in your heart to not be mad at me. For a gesture as grand as writing a song and letting the world hear your raw emotions, a letter couldn't possibly compare. But this was the only way for me to tell you everything. I couldn't tell you in person because I don't want to look rejection in the face when you finally say no.
I want to say I'm really sorry, baby. I never meant to hurt you like that. When I said I didn't want to do this anymore, I thought I was doing what was best for both of us. Or at least that's what I told myself. But in reality, I got scared. So scared of you and your rising fame; of you and the idea that there might be someone better for you than me, and that you would find her eventually and leave me on the curb. I thought I was doing you a favour, I thought leaving you would be setting you free. But instead, I just imprisoned both of us in this sadness of losing each other. You have to understand, though, that I had no idea this was what it would do to us.
Just to make things clear: I have not been with nor have I been attracted to any other guy since you. And just because I don't look miserable all the time doesn't mean I'm okay. If that were the case, I wouldn't have known this was how you felt, too. See, people don't always show or tell how they feel. I figured it would be best for me to not show that I was hurting. To save face, you know? But then again, I don't always make the best decisions with the choices I have. And sometimes even when I have choices, I choose to ignore them and go for something really stupid; like breaking up with you.
Hurting you was the biggest mistake I've ever made. And in doing that, I hurt myself, too. It was never my intention to. But like I said, I got scared. Instead of doing what my heart told me to, my mind won the battle. I admit I was thinking only of me. I didn't want to be replaced. So I put a stop to what we had before you could hurt me. I was saving myself from future heartbreak. Little did I know that it would only make things worse.
The reason why I avoided every call, every text, and every invitation to your shows was-again-because I was afraid. I knew I hurt you from the moment you demanded for me to tell you that day what you did wrong. I was stupid, wasn't I? I could have just taken it back; but like I said, I wanted to act strong and unhurt to save face. And I've never listened to any of your new songs ever since, for fear that I might find one that tells me how angry you are at me. I had your old songs on repeat, though, and I still do; I wanted to cherish every memory we had even though we were over then. But I've been stupid, I always have been. You weren't angry at all, were you? Probably just confused and hurt, but never angry. You weren't that kind of person, and I should have known better.
I miss you, Luke. I miss the way you toss your hair back when it gets in your eyes. I miss the way you used to cup my cheek and tell me you love me. I miss how you always seem to have an ear for the songs you knew I'd love. I miss how you sang to me whenever you had the chance. I miss the way you called me before you sleep just to say good night. I miss how sometimes you would sing me to sleep when I was just so damn restless. I miss the way you kissed me. I miss the way you used to hold me. I miss how we sound good together, how we feel good together. I miss the way you used to look at me. I miss all the little things you used to do for me. I just miss you. All of you.
We had a beautiful story. We weren't supposed to fall in love because we were just kids. But we did. It wasn't supposed to become serious, but it did. All stories must come to an end, though. And I'm sorry I wrote ours too early, too quickly. If I could take it back, I swear I would. It was too late when I realized it wasn't supposed to end just yet. It was like ripping out the pages from a story book and they just happened to be the good parts. We were just getting to the good part, and I ripped out all the pages. Before I knew it, there was only enough space left to write 'The End.' Not even 'And they lived happily ever after,' just the empty 'The End.' But what if we could do it right this time? No more ripping out the pages. Do you maybe want to write a sequel with me?
None of it was a dream Luke. And I certainly hope you don't wake up with amnesia because I don't want you to forget all the stupid little things. I miss you so much. I'm not asking for us to start over because starting over means erasing everything we ever had. I don't want to lose any of the things we once shared. I want to remember all the blissful memories. I want to remember us, what we used to be like. And I want to remember all the pain I've caused the both of us, and my mistake so I know not to make the same mistake again. I loved you. I still do. I'm asking for another chance. But let's not start over. Can we pick up where we left off?
Love always,
Aleisha
--
DISCLAIMER: None of this is real. It's fanfiction. I know this was not how they broke up and I know it wasn't Luke (or any of 5SOS for that matter) who wrote Amnesia. I made this all up. Thanks for reading, please vote if you liked it and leave comments below. xx
