Riverdale Preferences

#28 Insecurities

Archie: He knew something was wrong by the slight hunch of your shoulders and the way you folded into yourself, your arms draped across your stomach like a shield. He sat behind you on the couch, pulling you into his chest, his hands linking around your stomach. He felt you stiffen beneath his touch and brush his hands away, pulling your shirt down. You scooted further away, curling into yourself. You looked miserable, the frown line between your eyes popping out: a sure sign you were upset. He frowned, this was so unlike you. "What's wrong?" you wouldn't look at him but he could see at this angel you were close to tears. You lower lip quivered and you folded your arms back across your stomach. "Nothing," you bit out, staring intently at the TV. Archie knew what was wrong and he hated that you did this to yourself. Somehow you always got the image in your head that you needed to lose weight, that you just weren't....enough. You thought it disgusted him when he touched your stomach and felt the skin there. It didn't, he loved your curves. He found ridiculous because you couldn't get any more beautiful, but he wasn't in your head so he didn't understand. He didn't understand the thoughts that consumed you, the pressure you felt like you were constantly under to be skinny and tall. He didn't understand that sometimes you hated looking in the mirror and sometimes you got so angry you wanted to smash it into a million pieces just to get your reflection away. "Can I tell you something?" he said softly, taking your hand. He led you up into your bedroom and watched you wrap your arms around yourself, your eyes wide and so impossibly sad. It utterly broke him to see that you didn't love yourself, didn't see what he saw every time he looked at you. "I want to tell you that you are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. Don't you dare shake your head no at me," he said watching you lose your composure, tears sliding down your face. "I fell in love with your heart, and it is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen," he said, pressing his hand against it., his eyes inches from yours. "I got damn lucky too that you are this beautiful on the outside as well. I wouldn't change a thing about you, babe. I mean that." he dropped to his knees and ran his fingers lightly against your stomach, lifting your skin a few inches to press his lips to the porcelain skin there. "Beautiful, every inch of you."

Jughead: "Fuck," you muttered into the mirror. Damn, was that what you looked like in this dress? You turned to side, eyes widening at how your hips looked in the red dress. They didn't look like that two weeks ago when you first tried it on. You hadn't gained any weight, you exercised regularly and kept to a rigorous diet, so why did you still not like the reflection in the mirror? Your thoughts tore at you as you stood there. Fat. Lose more weight. You shouldn't be wearing this dress. Defeat was instant, what were you thinking? You couldn't pull this off. "Babe!" Jughead hollered marching up the stairs, "We have to go, Archie will be here....what are you doing?" He said perplexed as you slid a sweatshirt over your head. "I don't feel like going," you said hiding in your overly large outfit. You felt safe and secure in here, all that excess hidden away. He eyed you in silence and you prayed he didn't see your puffy eyes or feel the self loathing roll off you. "Put the dress on," he said quietly. "No," you said back, eyes on the floor. "Why not?" He knelt before you, his hands covering yours. "Because it doesn't look good," you whispered hating how your voice cracked. He sighed and you could see the anguish on his face. "Princess," he said almost inaudibly, "For me, please." Because it was him and because you couldn't say no, you nodded. You didn't want to undress in front of him but he refused to leave the room, his arms folded across his chest. Self consciously, you slipped out of your comfort clothes and quickly shimmied back into the dress, avoiding the mirror. His jaw was slightly agape as he stood there, his eyes raking you over. "And you don't think your beautiful?" He said bewildered, beckoning you over. He spun you around to face the mirror, his hands on your shoulders. "Try and picture yourself through my eyes, okay?" You nodded, unsure of where he was going with this. "Imagine a girl with the most beautiful eyes you've ever seen. Imagine a girl who has a smile that lights up the whole room and a laugh to match. Imagine a girl with the most generous heart, more capable of love and passion than anyone out there. Imagine a girl who will do anything for anyone. Imagine a girl who's dedicated, loyal, trust, worthy. Who would die for the people she loved. She sounds pretty amazing, right?" he asked, grinning at you in the mirror. "Now imagine that girl not even seeing how amazing she is, and what an impact and blessing she is on my life. And how I would be nothing with out her. And you watch her day after day tear herself down, picking herself apart when she should be celebrating how beautiful she is on the inside and the outside." You looked in the mirror, seeing for the first time what Jughead saw and he was right. You were beautiful.

Kevin: Kevin stood in the doorway of the bathroom watching you swipe concealer over your cheeks. He scowled, watching you cover up your flawless skin with that shit, wondering why you needed to do it in the first place. "Why do you do that?" He asked suddenly, watching you apply something else to your skin. "It hides my flaws," you said meeting his eyes in the mirror. And god, did you have flaws. Your skin was more broken out than usual, your face covered in unattractive little pimples. And GOD, did you hate them. You didn't feel nearly half as pretty as the girls Kevin spent his time with and that pissed you off. You were good looking, you supposed, but if those damn pimples went away and you could have flawless skin, you were sure it would be much better. "What flaws?" He asked, crouching beside you. He turned your face away from the mirror, bringing it to face his own. He took a tissue from the vanity and wiped half your face down, the cloth coming away a tannish brown. He grimaced and threw it behind him, his eyes roaming over your exposed skin. You cringed, knowing there was a huge pimple on your chin. "I don't see any flaws," he said, fingers deftly prodding your skin. "Kevin," you said exasperated, turning back to reapply. "No, I'm serious. What makes you think you're flawed?" You stared at him in silence. Did he really not know? "Look at me Kevin, I don't look like any of those girls you always spend time with. I'm not even half as pretty," you admitted before you could stop yourself. He was quiet for so long you weren't sure if he heard you. "Don't ever," he said hotly, "let me hear you say that again. How can you not know how beautiful you are? How do you not see what I see every time I look at you? How do you not see your heart? Jesus," he pushed up and walked into the bedroom, his fingers tangled in his hair. You followed him, stunned. "I hate that you say that about yourself because if you saw yourself how I see you for one second.." he trailed off, his eyes far away. He dove for his sketch pad, flipping pages furiously. He threw it down on the bed, an exposed sketch facing the ceiling. Hesitantly, you walked to it, staring down. It was you at all angels, the sun on your face, the wind in your hair, sleeping, laughing, crying. They were stunning. "You give me one reason why you aren't beautiful," he said drying your tears, "I'll give you a million reasons why you are."

Reggie: You clapped your hand to your mouth, stifling the obnoxious laughter that was spilling past your lips. Jesus, you hated your laugh. Could you be any louder? And Jesus lord in heaven, you snorted. I mean, how attractive was that right? Reggie's smile slowly faded, his eyes carefully assessing you. "Why do you always do that?" he said tickling your feet that were resting in his lap. "Do what?" You said playing dumb. He gave you that no bullshit look he always gave you when you were lying and asked again: "Why do you stop yourself from laughing?" you didn't say anything. You just sat there quietly. You knew Reggie would wait you out, he always did that. He would draw it out of you eventually, he always did. "It's not attractive," you finally shrugged, keeping your eyes on the TV. he sighed, flicking it off so now you had no where to look but him. "You're crazy, literally. You have a great laugh!" he insisted genuinely shocked. He adored making you laugh, it was his favorite thing to do. "Yeah, if you like snorting," you muttered under your breath. He dropped your feet to the floor and pulled you up so you could sit facing each other. "Can I tell you a secret?" he asked smiling. In truth, Reggie didn't want to smile. You were breaking his heart, why didn't you see how great you were? You nodded, urging him to go on. He took your small hand in his and pressed a kiss to the palm. "The first thing I noticed about you was your laugh," he stopped when you groaned, hushing you. "I heard it and I was like, 'that is the most joyful noise I've ever heard'. And sure enough, your face matched it. You come alive when you laugh babe, it's amazing. Your eyes light up and you get this smile on your face, I mean, wow." You stared at him in disbelief. You? The girl with the loud laugh? You were amazing? "I love making you laugh. It's the best part of my day and it breaks my heart when I see you stop yourself." You hadn't thought about it like that. You loved all Reggie's silly little laughs, his chuckles, his cackles, his giggles. They were adorable and totally his, so wouldn't it make sense he'd love yours too? "Yes, you. My amazing girl. So laugh, baby, laugh as loud and as long as you want, because I love it. Learn to love yourself, babe. Please. You are so worth loving."