How We Have Changed

Modern reincarnation. Mordred found himself alive again, in the future, surrounded by unfamiliar technology and unfamiliar faces, in a land that he was ill-prepared for. Much to his luck, Merlin found him, and an odd relationship started building between them. Mordred should have known it couldn't last, though, not on a night where the heavens wept for past crimes and Merlin was drowning in dark memories.

Written prompt: It’s cold. The rain won’t stop falling, and he/she is all alone. And then they see a light coming from far away.

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Torrents of rain fell from the oblivion that encased the midnight sky, blocking out the gentle rays of the moon.

The darkness consumed all light, the water consumed all sound, until the world was alone in its shadows. Alone in its pain and hard ways filled with yelling much like the booming of the thunder overhead and tears that fell much like the rain did. There were no stars above watching over the earth from the heavens, not tonight.

Tonight it was as if the heavens themselves cried out for the injustice of the world, for all of the pain and anguish that had been inflicted on its children, and finally, finally, they could shed cold tears for the son without a family. The druid boy who made enough mistakes in his past life to haunt him in the next. A boy who had wanted to redeem himself for his crimes, but whose chance had slipped between his thin, shivering fingers as the words left his boyfriend's lips. Get out.

The door had slammed in his face, barring him from the warmth that the apartment offered. It banished him from the love and hatred of the man he loved, offering him the bleakness of his future. Of what should have always been his future. Alone. Abandoned. Leave.

A fate well-suited as a punishment for the boy, considering all he had done in the past. How he had left Merlin centuries ago, in a different way, in a different era. It was only fair that Merlin leave him in the same state as Mordred had left him. I was so stupid.

What hurt the most was that Merlin had kicked him out because he had tried to make up for what he had done. I should have known better.

It was a simple rule that Merlin set up, when he first decided to bring the orphan boy into his home. Don't talk about the past, don't mention what was done, and never say his name. Despite the years that had passed, the coming and going of others, the changes and conquests of other lands, Merlin still could not accept the death of his closest friend. I can’t believe I let you in.

Not even after coming to love Mordred, not even after accepting his love in return. All Mordred had done was dare to utter that name, the one word that the other man could not bear to hear. He had done it for a good cause; he had wanted to make it clear that he regretted his decision all those years ago. I never should have trusted you.

Even though Merlin never mentioned it, never spoke of what happened nor gave the slightest indication that he remembered what had happened, it still hovered between them. It was there in the way that Merlin sometimes squeezed his hand too tight, in the way he sometimes kissed Mordred with such force that it left them both bruised and bloody the next day. It was present when they made love, gentle touches turning into nails and teeth not out of pleasure, but out of guilt. I never should have let myself love you.

Guilt to love the one who had taken his friend from him, his destiny, his first love. You will never change, Mordred.

All he had done was beg forgiveness in an attempt to get rid of the ever-present anger that Merlin held. Mordred wanted him to be happy, wanted their relationship not to be haunted by all that had happened. All he wanted was to put the past in the past, once and for all. All he had done was love Merlin enough to give up his past. Don't come back.