Hotel Six: A Call of Duty Fanfiction

Chapter 22: Forgive Me

"I will never have greater respect than for the man that realizes he was wrong and graciously admits it without a single excuse." ~Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

When PT was done for the evening, Ghost was the one to dismiss everyone; MacTavish had seemingly left for the night. Jessica hesitantly approached him, keeping her eyes focussed on all else around her but the Lieutenant. "Any idea where Captain MacTavish is, sir?" she asked.

He didn't look at her either and shook his head. "No idea; just know he's out for the evening." She only nodded in response and walked away. His nape bristled and he turned his head to face her. "I don't recall seeing a salute," he said. Jess slowly made an about-face and saluted, locking eyes with him until he dropped his salute. Ghost dipped his head. "Good; you're free to go, Sergeant."

Gal meandered the streets off-base, winding her way toward MacTavish's house. She halted when she smelled a familiar scent...

Price's cigars.

She followed the smell until she stopped at Soap's side yard, a little dismayed that the smell hadn't belonged to the person she had naively hoped. Soap was standing on the porch, leaning against the railing, a cigar in one hand, and his cheek in the other. She stayed in the shadows, both delighted she had found him, and too nervous to approach. 

A few minutes passed, and she finally decided to go to him. She shifted and skipped up onto the porch into the pale golden porch light. "Hey, MacTavish," she said.

The Captain turned a weary pair of blue eyes on her. He didn't say a word, but instead took another puff of his cigar and looked away to exhale a plume of smoke.

She leaned against the railing beside him. "I wanted to apologize for what I said today," she started quietly. "I really feel bad about it, and I want you to know I wasn't trying to disrespect you or make you loose face."

He sighed quietly but remained silent.

"... If I offended you that much, could you please allow me the chance to make it up to you?" When he stayed quiet, she bowed her head. "Just think about it, sir. Good night."

"You shouldn't have helped me..."

She halted and looked back at him. "What...?"

"I should 'a died on that field; Price didn't deserve to be killed because I got hurt." He puffed again.

Jessica swallowed. "N-no, that's not... I mean..." She looked at the ground. Secretly, she had blamed Soap all this time for Price's death, but only now did she realize that it was because she didn't know who else to blame. Now that she knew he blamed himself, she felt... Well, truthfully, she felt nothing, but if she could, she thought she would feel a sense of uneasiness. "... Price died because of his choice to help get all of us out of there safely. Whether you had gotten hurt or not, he probably still would have died."

"He died coverin' us because I got hurt and you all risked yourselves to make sure I got out alive."

"And any of the rest of us would do it again. Price's loss is the fall any of us would take for you, sir."

Soap snapped his eyes onto her with an almost predatory expression. "Let me rephrase: if I could go back, I would have shot myself in the head if it would make you all leave me behind. I didn't ask to come home."

She cautiously angled her body away from him and took a quiet, slow breath to collect her thoughts. "Had you died, Price would have to assign his third lieutenant in four years. And, honestly... I think it would be hard for him."

"Price was stronger than I was, he would be fine," he rumbled.

She grimaced. "Maybe so, but still, there's nothing we can do to change who died; you're the Captain we have, and the Captain we need right now."

Soap flicked the butt of his cigar to the ground and covered his face with his hands. "I have such large shoes to fill, and I don't even know where to start. Price had it all together and knew what he was doin'; I'm standing here like a little kid with no idea what the hell I'm supposed to do. I suddenly have all these responsibilities with 141, and I'm scared to death." 

His shoulders arched forward when she put a hand on his back. "You can only do your best, MacTavish, and you're doing that now. Just do what you've been doing, and take this one day at a time."

He had a distant look in his eyes as he stared out into the darkness. "Do you know what it's like to have this much weight on your shoulders and not have a single person ask? Never a 'how are you coping after Price died?' or a 'do you need to talk?' I'm carryin' this alone, and I have no choice but to do it that way." Soap blinked and a tear he didn't realize was welling dripped down his face.

She shifted and leaned against him, looking away to save him face. He reached up and held her face in his hand, curling his fingers into her soft cheeks. Galaxy nestled her muzzle into his shoulder and closed her eyes, listening to his unsteady breaths. "... Would you like me to ask how you're doing?" she asked quietly.

He scoffed, not wanting to cry, but still, another tear fell. He took a deep breath and wiped his face. "I'd like that, Lone," he said. "I'd like it a lot."

She rested her chin on the railing while he continued to pet between her ears, both of them silent. Gal sighed a misty, cold breath, feeling the tension leave MacTavish's hand. His calm brought a sense of relief of her own. They were both in the same boat, and if that was the case, maybe they could stay afloat together.

Church bells.

Descent.

Blood.

Dog tags. 

Galaxy's eyes snapped open and she exhaled an awkward sigh before breathing in another steady breath. What the hell was that? It was like those confusing dreams, only she wasn't asleep this time.

Soap cleared his throat. "Thank you for comin' over to talk to me, Gal," he said. "I needed to get that off my chest..."

She flicked her ears and grinned assuringly. "Any time, mate. Don't hesitate to let me know if you need to talk again. A'ight?"

He tried to chuckle, but it only came out as a half-humoured huff. "A'ight. Good night, Gal."

When he went inside and shut the door, Galaxy shifted back and Jessica stared out into the dark sky. Despite Soap's predicament, she was now very concerned about that sleepless dream...