Little pieces of Hope

Chapter One

Flashback
"He's gone," the doctor said as she sat her clipboard down on my hospital bed.
Who knew that two words could change someone's life forever.
"I'm so sorry Ashlynn. I knew Blake as a patient, but you were his best friend, so I can't imagine the pain you are going through right now. You can go home tomorrow, but as for right now you need rest." The doctor continued.
Everything changed that night. Laying there hopeless, all I could do was cry. It was my fault, no matter what anyone says. I know it was because I'm the only one that saw it and I know what happened. No one else.
Flashback ends

It's been six months and I'm still holding on. Holding on to the hurt and pain. The emptiness inside me will not go away. Seven different support groups and none have helped. None have been in my shoes and all try to comfort me, but it doesn't feel sincere. I hit my knees every night and ask God to help me, but it's like He doesn't hear me. I keep having thoughts of what I could've done different or how I could've done more to stop what happened that night.
I didn't pay much attention to what the doctor said that night, but when he said that Blake was his patient, I wanted to ask him what Blake came there for. I was still trying to get myself together so I didn't ever ask the doctor. That has been bothering me for six months, but I know I can't just walk into that  hospital normally anymore knowing that was where Blake died.
My parents keep telling me to go back to school to see my friends and maybe they could help me, but I just can't. I can't go to school normally no more. Especially the same school me and Blake met at. I still remember it like it was yesterday.
Flashback
My alarm went off at 5:45 this morning instead of 6:15 because it was a Monday and I knew I would've wanted to sleep in. I got a shower and picked my outfit. It wasn't anything special, just a T-shirt and jeans like every other day. Call me crazy, but I don't see the point in dressing up to go somewhere I don't like. I brushed my teeth and did my hair. I left the house at 7:30, so I wouldn't be late (however I still failed and was late.) I got there at 7:57. Three minutes to get to class that was on the other side of the school. But it wasn't just any class, it was my favorite one and being late would just cut my time short in seeing my favorite person in the whole school. Blake  Berret. I mean he's just so cute, and he is on the football team. He probably thinks I'm crazy though because sometimes I'll just be staring at him and I'm so used to it, I don't even know I'm doing it. The good thing is, is that he has never called me out on it even thought there's been multiple times that he could have.
It was 8:01 when I got in the classroom, luckily the teacher was not in there at the time or else that would've been my 2nd tardy and we were only three weeks into the school year.
I got to my desk and sat down in front of my 2nd favorite person in the school, my best friend, Kam. Her real name is Kamilia, but I call her Kam because my laziness gets the best of me sometimes. Beside me was Blake. He looked fine as always. He was wearing one of his tight shirts and some jeans. He was tapping his pencil on his desk, and I hate when people do that, but when he did it, it was like music to my ears. Kam tapped me on my shoulder and I knew exactly what she was telling me. Blake was looking at me. But that could me anything. Do I look bad? Is there something on me? Does he like me? Does his stare even have a meaning or am I overthinking it? I don't know. Kam knew I was caught up in my thoughts because she tapped me again and told me to stop worrying about it.
The announcements came on and I wasn't listening to a thing the lady said, until she said softball tryouts will be Wednesday. I thought she was talking about next Wednesday, but she said the 23 and it was the 21 and I was freaking out. I have to go get a new glove because mine is worn out and my moms birthday is Wednesday also. Wow I never knew how frustrating high school could be, my second year here and I'm still trying to get used to the stress.
After announcements, we started math. Algebra this and algebra that. Still the only math I cared about is Ashlynn + Blake which equals <3.
Since that was the only class I cared about I didn't pay much attention to the rest of that day until someone called my name in the hallway and I knew that voice like the back of my hand. It was Blake.
"Ashlynn!" He yelled. I whipped my head around and there he was standing there.
"Hey," he said in such the sweetest voice.
"Hi," I said standing there awkwardly.
It's not everyday Blake Berret walks across the whole school to the opposite side of where he needs to be (yes I know a couple of his classes) just to tell an unpopular girl that he has never talked to before hi.
"You know how it's the beginning of the year and football is starting," he said nervously.
"Yeah, I am planning to go to all the home games this season with Kam," I said trying to act like I was in to football.
"Well that's great, maybe you being there will help me win," he said and shot me a smile,
Did Blake just use a pickup line on me, Ashlynn Greyer? Wow! I could feel my face heat up, and I bet it was as red as a tomato.
"Umm, it might," I said not knowing what to say at all and he laughed.
"Did you only want to walk all the way to this hall to use a pickup line on me?" I asked.
"Oh, no. I had to ask you something," he said.
He looked at his watch.
"Oh shoot! We're late!" He said. I just realized that we were the only people in the hallway.
"Well, looks like I'll be skipping class because I'd rather be counted absent than go in late and get a zero for all my work today," he said like he had done this a million times. He pulled out his car keys.
"I'm going to sit in my car, wanna come?" I turned around and then turned back.
"Me?!" I asked confused.
"Yeah you, I mean unless you have better plans," he said with a smirk.
"Skipping it is then," I said.
We talked and listened to music and then he finally asked me.
"Umm, I have football practice this afternoon. Do you want to watch me?" He asked, scared I was going to say no.
"Well I'm skipping class with you, I guess it won't hurt watching you practice football," I said laughing. He shot me a glare, which only made me laugh harder.
Sadly the hour went by quicker than expected and we had to go back in.
Well I sure wasn't going and watching him by myself, so I asked Kam to go with me and of course she said yes. She is always watching the boys practice, so it's nothing new to her.
We got to the football field and they practiced and got dirty and sweaty. However, I still think softball players work a tad harder. Once he was done he offered to take me home. My stupid tail told him that I had to drive my car and take Kam to go get hers. We all know that's a lie, but he didn't need to know that.
I thought about him the rest of that day, and even during supper. I was the happiest girl in the world and nothing could change that.
Flashback ends
Little did I know that day that something horrible would change that.