I woke up with a headache bigger than my life, my teeth were sore and my mouth was full of scars from last night. I was planing to go to school today but that isn't gonna happen for sure.
I got up and an dizzines hit me harder than anytime. I went into the kitchen and everything was a mess. Weed on the table and dishes everywhere. I made myself some coffee and looked into the fridge for some food but nothing looked like I could eat it from my stomach's sickness. I shouldn't really do so many drugs anymore.
I look at my phone and see that it's 11 o'clock. Outside it was so dark you could say it was 5 in the morning. I text my best friend telling her to come over fast and that I got super fucked last night and don't remeber mostly all of the things I've done.
I roll a joint and lounge on the couch hoping it will cure my imposible comedown.
She comes over soon and starts talking way to much, way to much for me to actually understand what is she saying. Something about some guy at a bar. I just tell her that she should stop stressing so much and offer her some of my joint.
She takes it and calms down. We start talking about what happend last night with me. I start looking trough my phone, hoping for some text or picture to trigger some memories. And there it is.
01:36- me: I miss you so much. I need you. I'm hurting.
Seen
I throw my phone across the room in pain.
"I did it again. I texted him again. Still no response. God why?"
"You so need to get over him. He is an asshole who just abandoned you. You shouldn't stress it so much"
"But he left scars so deep that they aren't healed yet. I loved him. For real. I feel like I lost everything"
"You didn't. You still have me, and I'm here for you. Anytime. "
Yeah right. I heard it a thousand times over and over, yet at the end of the day there is just one thing that makes me forget everything, and finally feel something else, not just pain.
I try to make her leave, since I know she's no good. I just want to be alone. Or with him. Yet I'm all alone. He just proved me that I'm on my own and nobody is ever gonna care.
I took a lot of whiskey and poured it down my throat just for the sake of it and for the fact that I was in a hole deal of pain. I realiesed that he isn't coming back soon so I just took a walk to a bar, looked for the first guy above my standards and went up to him.
"You know, I was wondering if you would break my heart more than it is already and fuck me in the bathroom."
"If that's what you wish for, then sure"
He took my hand and dragged me across the bar to the nearest bathroom. He fucked me medieocre, nothing to even moan about. Then he falshed in my mind. His face. His smile. His body.
I pushed the guy off me and got dressed.
"Where are you going, doll?"
"To find an actual man, not a joke"
I just left him right there. And I knew. I knew that it was just one way I could live life. With him right beside me.
I needed to go look for him, to find him, or I will never feel happines again.
