Small Pox

The beginning, middle, and end.

This is so boring! It's already almost dark outside. there is smoke coming from somewhere in the village and I can't help in any way. All I get to do is sit here and practice my lesson from my older sister over, and over. If I get tired of my lesson, I can write in my journal like I am now. I guess I'm lucky, with the war going on most people don't even have a journal. But, the pain of my small pox is so terrible and right now the only thing I have to distract me from the pain is my little sister, Aphra. I am watching her sleep. She is so beautiful. I wish I could hold her again, but the pain is just unbearable. I can't wait 'till Abitha is done with the laundry. Nobody is allowed to leave my house, we are afraid the rest of the village will get infected then. With the war that my papa is fighting in, and Momma not being able to leave the house, we can't afford treatment. So, Abitha does as much as she can for the war effort without leaving the house. She does laundry for people who are willing to leave it outside our door. Their only charge is food for our family. The whole village is very sympathetic towards my disease. They all knew me before I got infected. Papa had already left when it happened. At least I know he will not get it. Have I said "I'm bored" yet? Hopefully, Abitha will get back soon. She told me she would help me with my reading and bible studies. Bible is my favorite. When I pray, I pray that Papa will come home safe, that nobody else in my family will get sick, and that I get better so I can hug Momma and hold Aphra again. I want to wait for Abitha to get back, but I'm so tired. I walked back to my straw mattress on my wooden bedframe, and fell quickly asleep.

When I awoke the next morning, Momma had a cold towel on my head. "My dear, you had another fever. I think you are getting more ill. I don't want you studying today. You need to rest, love." She said worriedly. Aphra started to cry, I wanted to go make her happy, I can always make her laugh. But Momma put her hand on my chest so I would lay back down. She acted like it was out of concern for me, but zi knew she didn't want me near Aphra I obeyed her command. When I lay back down, I thought of all Momma and Abitha have sacrificed for me. Since I got sick, Momma hasn't been able to go to the market or work. She loved going to the market. Abitha is already seventeen, five years older than me, and she cannot leave the house. If I don't get better soon, or let the disease take me, Abitha will never be courted and will never find a good husband. She might even get sick herself. She says she doesn't care, that it doesn't matter to her. She says she wants to spend the time I have with me, by my side, but I know she wants to leave the house again and to marry. I pray " God, please let Momma leave the house again. Keep Papa safe. Let Abitha and Aphra be courted and find good husbands. God, oh God, please take me with you. This pain is terrible. Please, God, please. Make me better or let me come to you. I want to be by your side, God." a single tear slides down my right cheek. Why did I have to mess it up for my family? I should just leave. I starting to get up, thinking of that knife Papa got me for my tenth birthday. It had a simple wooden handle, my initials were engraved in it with his knife. That was my favorite part, he made it. Would it work? I was about to get up when I saw Abitha coming to me. She had water and a bowl. She put the water spoon to my lips so I drink. I don't want water. I pull away and say "Abitha?" A little water spilled, and she looks at me "hmm?" I hold back some tears, I don't want her to see me cry. "Please, don't do this. Please, Abitha. Take Aphra and Momma then leave. Leave me here." She looks at me, there are tears welling in her eyes. "Oh, Jerry how many times do I need to tell you this? I want to spend this time with you. I would never leave." One tears start to slide down her face. "Abitha, please. I want you to be courted, to find your love." She looks at me, her eyes steady, but voice shaking "I will. After, you get better. Now Jerry, my love, get some sleep." She kisses my head, and I fall into a long, deep sleep.

Today is, and always will be the worst day of my life. The pox has progressed. It has gotten so bad I can barely stay awake. The only thing to wake me is the shivers and fever. Abitha keeps putting cold towels on my head. But they heat right up. I pray again "God. Thank you. Now just keep my family safe. I know it will end today. The pain is over." The pox has spread completely over my arms, legs, hands, and feet. The rash has become bumps. I can't hold any food down, at all. Abitha keeps trying to feed me, but it makes it worse. She goes to get new towels to clean me up. I wish she would just leave. She comes back and says "Momma sends her love, she had to take Aphra away from here. I'm so, so sorry Jerry." Tears roll down my cheeks, I haven't cried in front of my family since the day papa left.I wanted them to leave and be safe, but it still hurts. Momma didnt even say goodbye. Abitha kisses my hand, not caring about my disease. "She has always loved me more than Momma did" I think. "But, Momma always wanted all girls." While Abitha is gone, I take the time to write a few messages in my journal. The first to Momma: Momma, I send my love. Love, Jerry. The second to Papa: Papa, I love you so much. But, at least now I know you won't get sick because of me. The third is to Aphra: Aphra, my beautiful baby sister. I love you with all my heart. I so wish I could have said goodbye to you. I love you. Makes sure Momma takes care of you. I love you, my baby sister. Love, your big brother Jerry. The last letter, and the one I put the most thought into is to Abitha: Abitha, I love you so much, You have always been there for me. You've been here all the way through, I know this will be my last day. Please, big sister, do not forget about me. I love you so much. Thank you for taking care of me and loving me like Momma never did. By this time, tears are running down my face more than ever before. It's hard to see. But, I finish: I love you Abitha, your little brother Jerry. Abitha returns and sees the tears running down my face. I can tell, she knows its my last day, too. She drops whatever she was holding- I couldn't see. She lays down next to me. Her touch hurts, but I don't care. I'm glad she's here. I tell where I was hiding the knife Papa gave me, what I had wanted to use it for and she holds me even closer. Then, I tell her about the journals. I tell her how I want her to read them all, then give the letters to who they belong to. Abitha holds me close, she snuggles in, not caring if she gets sick. It hurts knowing she will suffer the way I did. But I'm glad she's here. I lay there with her until I feel nothing anymore. It is all done. I have died.