It's For The Best: Jelsa: High School: Genderbent: Jelias

Life As It Is

Ch.1: Life As It Is
Elias (Elsa) POV-
I've never been good with words, not to mention writing. My teacher has always taught me to start with an introduction if anything...
I'm Elias Arendelle. I live in my family's company mansion with my little brother, Andrew. Our parents... Passed not too long ago and we don't have many relatives, so it's basically just the two of us and some servants.
I feel so alone because I want to be, I need to be...
When I was little I had a best friend. Her hair was chocolate brown and hazel eyes she wished were blue, Jackie Frost, she was closer to me than Andrew was. We'd play around all day when it snowed, and talked all night when we had sleep overs. Toys, food, even secrets were shared between us...
But she moved...
The night she left, Andrew came into my room. He begged me to play with him outside, snowball fight in the dark. I don't know why I said yes.
In total, my emotions took over, I threw a snowball hard and high... Then an icicle fell, hitting Andrew's head to cut it open. It knocked him out and sent him to the hospital. Now there's a bald spot that he believes he was born with...
I came so close to killing him, and with our parents now gone... I just can't trust myself alone with him, alone with any one...
Stupid, right? 'It was an accident.' or 'You shouldn't blame yourself for that.'... Well it is my fault, ok? I blame myself because no one els did that to him but me. That experience was too scarring for a kid...
This year is my senior year in high school and Andrew's first, he's a freshman. I'm only popular because of my family's money, but I conceal from others because I don't feel like having friends. The main reason I don't let them know anything about me is so they don't try to compare themselves to me. I'm different, I'm dangerous, I fear myself-
I fear letting anyone get close to me ever again.
Friends, any kind of relationship, is out of the question. Forever. All I need is me, myself, and I...
Oh, and my art supplies! I love art, especially when I'm drawing snowflakes, snowmen, snow in general! It's like they flurry right off my fingertips, my art teacher even calls me the Ice King.
Inspiration? Winter, snow, ice, and...
Jackie.
Every night, when I close my eyes, I picture Jackie and imagine how things would be if she was still here... How I would be if she had stayed by my side...
"It's not good to stick to the past..." I mumbled through the cloth of my comforter, moon light adding a shine to my tears.
I repeated over and over "Conceal, don't feel. Conceal, don't feel. Conceal, don't feel... Don't let them know..." Before sleep took over.