UNREQUITED / C. HAIM

unrequited

i was a stupid freshman. he was a senior.

god his eyes were so blue. every time he walked past me in the hallway, i would look over and catch a glimpse of his irises.

they were so fucking blue. like the underside of a wave before it crashed on top of you, pulling you deep into the bottom of the ocean.

the sea foam that floated on top of those gorgeous blue waters in monet's beach paintings greatly resembled the sparkle of his scleras.

i loved him so much, yet i barely even know him. and whenever i looked into his cornflower blue eyes i just wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. just scream, and scream, and scream.

the freckles on his face, so faint they were only visible to the eye if you payed close attention.

i did pay close attention. to everything. his gentle lisp, the stumble of his 'r's, the smoothness of his hands. and especially his movements.

they were reckless, like his kisses. clumsy yet somehow delicate. very boyish. with ever step he took, it seemed like he cared less and less. what
was there to care about when you were corey haim?

his gorgeous disheveled hair, moss on the forest floor. those curls felt like silk flowing between my fingers. like honey dripping off a spoon, thick and rich. i loved his hair, his eyes, every breath he took made my heart ache.

momma warned me to stay away from boys like him. they're beautiful, yet deadly, she had said. i didn't listen, i never do. now the thought of him makes my palms sweat and my stomach churn.

once, she had told me to stay away from her china cabinet and i didn't. i broke her favorite plate because i wanted to see the detail up close.

corey is my china. we were so close in that janitors closet, i thought we were the same person. i just wanted to see his details. those freckles and the eyes, the lopsided smirk. his scent, the cologne. my god, it almost suffocated me.

but it was ethereal. corey was ethereal. while he glides across the ice playing hockey, when he flies over concrete on his beat up skateboard, when he kissed me like he was gonna lose me.

he did lose me. we lost each other.

he slipped out of my hands like grains of sand, piling up into dunes of regret. hot tears were falling down my cheeks when he threw up his cap.

he was smiling so big, i was so proud. but i was crying so hard. he was recruited to play for a college hockey team in arizona. halfway across the fucking country.

i never saw him again.

it was the day after his graduation. i dialed the number he had given me, pizza hut answered.