No one is awake, leaving me to my own thoughts. Staring at an unearthly blue glow from the computer screen, the bass of my music in the background, and darkness swirling around my head, even though the room is brightly lit, To try and cheer up the dreary scene. a blank shetch pad lays besides be, whilst my phone waist for a notification, that'll never come. I feel lonely sometimes. Even in the middle of the day, and I'm with friends, i'm just hit with the sudden fact that, I don't know you guys in person, And I might never.. That though plagues me. keeps me awake at night. Not that different questions aren't keeping me awake also. sometimes I feel plagued by my own mind, Over analyzing situations until my head hurts, and staying awake to all hours of the night doing nothing. I read to escape you know? and Roleplay, Thats also an escape, but a different type. Its like, I'm able to be a different person then who I really am, I don't have to follow rules set by the government, Society, or any of that. I follow my own rules, set my yours truly. Sometimes I wonder what everyone would be doing, if I wasn't alive, or had been born.
not that I'm going to try - Again - Probably. Honesty sometimes I wonder why I'm here, what My path is. this isn't a roast, but more of a thought. Honestly, I have really low self esteem, Thats why I deny whenever someone I know calls me pretty, other times I realize I am pretty. My entire existance confuses me. Often I don't feel hungry but I eat anyway, So no one worries. sometimes I feel as though I'm just going through steps in a day. Did you know what in a japense legand, it states, "if you can't sleep at night, it's because you're awake in someone elses dream." which I find funny. Because maybe, somewhere you all are deaming about me, or perhaps I'm in someones nightmare, Or maybe, possibly, I'm just a face in someone's crowd of them. maybe I'm someones plaguing thought, that they can't get out of their head. Sometimes I miss myself, you know? the old me. the one you guys didn't get to experiance, because by the time I met you all, the real me was already hidden away.
now tomarrow, I'll wake up as though I never typed this, and read it later. But this Is what really bothers me at night, What swirls deep inside my head. I have many layers, and a depth that could kill a man.. No one has been willing to jump in, and I doubt anyone ever will. therefore I'm forever destianed to be alone, or with someone whom doesn't understand.
Anyway.. I'll stop with this, and close the bottle back up, all nice and tight.
Signed,
Forever the Glue.
