Trigger warning.
My last thought was of you, George and I just wanted you to know that before I began.
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The day started with you in my bed. The best part of my day, really. You were still sleeping. Soft snores left your mouth as your chest rose and fell. I could watch you sleep forever. Though it sounds creepy, it's true. Your lips were parted ever-so-slightly and in that moment I knew, that you were the one.
That day got worse every second I was out of that bed. First, it was the little things. I broke a cup and a plate while making you breakfast. While cleaning that up, I burned your pancakes. After I threw the pancakes away I looked at the clock and realized I was running late. I hurried and got ready and ran out the door.
I got stuck in traffic and a guy ran into my brand new fucking car. After thirty damn minutes, I got to work to find out that I got at biggest part of my life and that I needed to memorize a thirty page musical by the next Wednesday.
Within an hour of being at work I spilt my coffee on my only outfit. The only thing that kept me sane was the thought of that morning. I thought ' this day could not get any worse.' And baby, I was so wrong.
I started to lose my voice. The only reason that I was on broadway was because of my voice and acting.
At that point, it was 4:00. Just an hour before work was over and and hour and half before I did the most destructive thing I ever did in my life.
Sean called me around 4:20 and told me that my father died. My only parent that was alive had died. He had the nerve to tell me that I was so selfish that I couldn't be at the side of my fathers death bed because I had to be at work.
After that heartbreaking moment, I remembered that I didn't take my medicine that morning and that I didn't have anymore in my purse.
Finally, five o'clock. I stepped out of the doors of the theater. You didn't get out of work until six. I decided to Rome around broadway.
I somehow found myself at the top of a building. These were my final thoughts.
The view from this height is beautiful, he would love it. My hands are cold. What is he doing? I hope he is well. Nobody would miss me. My feet are numb. I love him. This is my fate. How worthless could I be? Why couldn't I just have taken one day of work off to be with my father? You need to be dead. Dead dead dead. Hurry and jump, hurry hurry hurry. I don't deserve him.
I jump.
I deserve this. I love him and I don't deserve him.
I close my eyes.
You were sleeping. Soft snores left your mouth as your chest rose and fell. Your lips were parted ever-so-slightly. Your hair was messy.
This morning.
My heart fluttered.
You were we're standing in front of me after you spilled your cold coffee on me. Your hair was messy. Your eyes were the most gorgeous things I've seen. The first time I met you.
I open my eyes to see that I was almost to the bottom. People were pointing. I close my eyes again.
"I love you and I always will." Your smile at the end of that sentence told me that that phrase was true.
Kaboom.
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Well, now you know how my story ends... now, the whole story.
