You creep up from behind, pushing me down with all of your force, deep down to my very core, making me fall apart, making me break into thousands of little pieces. Perhaps I'm still not used to the fact that when happiness comes you enter, not really far behind it, you came in when Dad left, when I lost so many people that I cared about, making me miserable, making me what I am today.
You come in and ruin it all when I least spect it, little smiles and the words "I'm okay" never really worked, perhaps with other people, but not really with me. Sometimes it just became so painful, I wanted to believe my own words but I couldn't even look at anyone right in the eyes to say that.
You have thought me so many things, so many horrible things, you showed me the blade, and how that really sharp object can become so addictive, mostly when you are the one making me feel so much pain to the point of numbness, just sliding smoothly making little dots of blood come out, which later turn in just blood running down my leg.
It stings but in that moment I don't let that bother me, that way I can feel something, that isn't just the numbing pain in my heart.
I am okay sometimes, but most times I break down not knowing what to do, you are something that appears and makes me the worst person to be around, someone so fragile and that at any moment could break, someone who thinks so little of themselves and isn't able to take a compliment before questioning that a million times.
When will you stop tormenting me? when will you just disappear? isn't all of the shit I've gone through enough? Let me be happy for once.
