It's been a month since we broke up. It's been a month without you. A month without hearing your voice, without holding your hand, without hugging you. It's been a month that "us" turned into "strangers". It's been a month but I'm still inlove with you. I still want you back. I still want us to be back. I still can't believe I'm not receiving morning messages from you. I still can't accept the fact that you're freaking happy without me. I'm still waiting for you to come back. I still want us back. I want the old, happy us. Why can't we be like that again?
You promised. You promised you'll never leave, you promised. You promised to love me till the end, till we grow old, till death part us. Why? Why did you have to let me go? Why did you have to fucking leave me? Damn you! While you're already happy, I'm still crying. I'm still yearning for you. Fuck you! I fucking hate you, I fucking hate the fact that I still love you despite everything. Despite every pain you gave, despite the sadness you gave, the loneliness I felt. Why? Was I not enough? Do I have to change myself for you? Tell me what you want, I promise, I'll try my very best to do it. Tell me, what do I have to do for you to come back? My love, mi amore, please tell me, I'm willing to give up my life just for you. That's how much I love you. I could give up everything just to give you what you want.
I'm still stuck in the past. I gave up everything, I gave up my virginity. I gave up everything. I broke my own rule, I broke what I believed in, and all I wanted in exchange is for you to stay. I gave up that precious thing for you. I love you so much. I really do. But why do you have to hurt me this much? I only love you, I love everything about you. I never asked for anything. I never asked you to buy me this and that. I'm not jealous too. I let you talk and go out with your girlbestfriends. I understood you, even though it kills me seeing you with them, I let you go out with them. You love basketball too much, you spend most of your time in it, and I complained but I never told you to stop playing, I understood how much you love basketball so I let you. Even though it pains me not receiving a text from you, I understood you. When you helped your Aunt in her store, and we only communicated every evening I never complained, I understood you. When you were happy with your friends there without me, I never complained, I just asked for a little time, little time to talk to me, to tell me how happy you were.
Was I wrong? Am I wrong for giving you everything? For giving up everything just for you? Am I wrong for loving you? For choosing you over hundreds of suitors? For giving my virginity to you instead of keeping it? I guess I am, I should have not given anything. I should have not loved you, I should have not chose you, I should have not given up my virginity to you, I should have kept it, I should have not let you meet my parents. I should have not been serious with you, I should have played with you because if I did, I should have not been the loser. You should be the one suffering, not me.
But despite everything, I still thankful to you. If it weren't for you, I couldn't have met God, I could've not learned to love myself. So thank you, thank you for giving me another chance to find someone better. Thank you for loving me, thank you for taking care of me, thank you for courting me instead of them, thank you for choosing me, thank you for finally letting me go. Because of you I found God. Thank you Carlo, if ever you meet me around the corner, and asked if I still love you, I would answer, "Yes, I still love you but I love myself more and I love God the most." Love Him for He will give you what's best for you <3
You the best God! I love you!
