"Let me help you with that."
"I can carry my own-"
"Well clearly you can't so let me help, don't be a dick," I studied his face for a sign that this was some sort of harsh practical joke. The type where you're nice to the helpless kid to get a few laughs out of it - pointless, really. His face remained serious, a grin dripping with kindness etched onto it. My face begun to turn red as he raised his eyebrows at me, and I turned my head, instead facing the hundreds of kids crammed in the hallways. Some were hanging out in groups by the lockers, others were walking to class, others were on the ground surrounded by bigger, stronger kids.
I clenched my fist as I walked past Justin Foley, one of the kids I hated the most in this hell-hole. The thing I wanted to do the most was punch that pretty face of his until he was bleeding, begging me to stop; things he used to do to me, and most likely still will. He smirked at me, and I glared, feeling the anger bubbling up inside of me. "I know Justin's a dick, but don't punch him. You'll just be stooping down to his level, do you really want that?"
I flinched as I heard his voice, completely forgetting that he was walking beside me. "I - uh, no, I guess I don't want to be like him. Doesn't he like, do drugs now or something?" I paused for a moment. "I wouldn't be surprised."
"Yeah, ever since Hannah killed herself, and you - uh - tried to kill yourself, he's been really depending on drugs to get him by - not really a smart decision," I just nodded, pre-occupied with staring at the mess Justin was in. His hair was uncombed, his eyes bloodshot, and he clearly hadn't showered the past week. If I didn't know what he'd been doing to himself, I'd feel grossed out - but he really doesn't deserve to destroy himself like this, no matter how much of a dick he was.
"I have to admit, it's weird coming back to school and seeing so many people have changed. You're asking so many questions in your head - like, did I cause this? Did Hannah? Was it just their own personal choice? I think we'll never know."
"The thing with Justin wasn't entirely your fault, Alex. It happened just after Hannah committed suicide - after you shot yourself it just got worse," he explained, not making me feel fully better about it, but I nodded. "How do you feel about skipping class in the bathroom?"
"It sounds like an amazing idea - if my dad wasn't such an overbearing asshole," I laughed, though of course I was still going to ditch english with him. Honestly who wouldn't ditch a class with a hot guy? You'd have to be crazy if you denied that offer.
"So you won't come-"
"Who said I actually give a fuck about my dad says, Dempsey?" I smiled at him, and he gave me a confused look at how I knew his last name, before realising it was on the back of his jacket. Everyone knew it.
"So you are coming?"
"Of course, idiot," I pulled him into the closest bathroom, my leg proving to be quite a challenge when dragging myself and a guy taller than me into the bathroom. "What the hell are you even planning on doing in here anyway? Don't teachers check these? Plus, it's a bathroom, it doesn't seem that exhilarating to me."
"Teachers never come in the bathroom because they're teachi-"
"Free periods exist."
"Stop interrupting me, Standall. As I was saying, teachers never come in here for privacy reasons. And it seems boring but we can talk about shit. I promise you that you'll enjoy it," he sat on the counter where the sinks were, helping me up due to the fact that I couldn't jump because of my leg.
"Well, sorry for interrupting you, Dempsey. But what you said was pretty stupid - I had to," I grinned as he raised his eyebrows in mock offence. "What do you wanna talk about, anyway? We can talk about anything. Even about - uh - the fact that I tried to commit suicide."
"Okay, Alex, I don't want to seem like a dick but I've been wanting to ask you this since I saw you this morning - and I promise you that's not the reason I came up to you to help you. But, if you don't mind me asking, why did you do it? You really don't have to answer me if you don't want to-"
"Shut up, Zach. I did it because I wanted a way out of the world and kids here were bullying me. I was also traumatised by Hannah's death and how I played a part of it. So I had a lot of reasons to why. I just wanted to die. It's really hard to explain, I guess," I said softly, biting both of my lips as I looked down at the ground. He opened his mouth to say something and then slowly shut it again. "I'm used to that reaction. You think I'm some kind of suicidal, unstable kid. And in a sense you're right, I can't function properly and I still want to die."
"I don't think you're unstable or suicidal at all. I just can't find the words to say - it's hard, when you're told about something as difficult as this. You're gonna tell me to shut up, or that I'm lying, but I'm not - I care about you."
"Sometimes I find it hard to believe that people care because where were they when I needed them to most? Where were they when I was holding a fucking gun to my head? They weren't there. They never were. Including you - you weren't there for me, and yet I'm still opening up to you as if you actually care about what I'm saying. I must be crazy, trusting you with all of this. No doubt you're gonna go tell this to all your jock - your rapist - friends."
"Why the hell would I do that? If you can't tell I'm nothing like those asshole excuses of friends. I wasn't there because I didn't know the pain you were going through, nobody did. To everybody else you just looked normal. You kept a straight face on the outside. On the inside - well, I can't even imagine how you felt."
We fell silent for a few minutes, the only noises in the room being the sound of the dripping tap where a kid hadn't closed it properly.
"I'm sorry - for comparing you to Bryce and Michael, and all the assholes. You're nothing like them. You're sweet, caring, and you actually seem to give a fuck."
