Angle or Demon

A Soul Worth Saving

I thought to myself. I shook my head and dried my face. I changed into a black t-shirt and some light blue denim short shorts. I wanted so bad to be normal right then. I wanted to be able to fall in love without having the risk of killing them. I wanted to not have to save people then shoot for the hills. I wanted every thing to change. But nothing was going to change. I would still be known as lighting. I would still be saving people. I would still be a demon on the inside and an angel on the outside. Someday the demon is going to burn through and it's going to be permanent. Someday it would happen and I wouldn't want to be there. I wouldn't want to be the by stander that this happens to. I wouldn't want to watch from inside that thing while I go around killing innocent people. But I will and there's nothing I can do about it. I could feel a sudden change of color in my eyes. I went back into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Part of my left eye was blue. Just a little piece. But it was enough for the demon the push the angel around. I put my hand on my face. My thoughts. Had my thoughts done this. Has thinking about something different made the angel stronger. I could feel the wings fluttering around inside. She was mire energetic. She wasn't sitting on the floor and sobbing. She wasn't sulking and saying why me why me. She was breaking free. Then I noticed. That a few strands of my black hair were now a light periwinkle blue. What was happening to me. Was I becoming the angel. Was I becoming what I was meant to be. No it wasn't possible. But, was it. More strands turned blue. Mire of my left eye turned a neon blue. Now whatever was happening was turning my clothes blue. A neon blue shirt and periwinkle pants. I slammed the door shut. The boys wouldn't care. Or would they. My thoughts were shifting to something good. I was caring about stupid things. But they weren't stupid. They were important. Like what if the boys thought something was wrong. What if I scared them by nit coming home last night. What if I'm ruining their lives by putting myself first. What if I was hurting them. What if they though that I was a soul worth saving. What if they thought I was something worth fighting for. What if I was endangering them with my needs. What if Kenny broke a leg for no reason. What if I kill one of them even though they've put all this effort into what I've become. What if my natural hair color isn't black. What if.... what if..... what if everything! My mind was flourishing with ideas and thoughts I'd never thought I could still think. The angel was showing through. The darkness was breaking and the light was shining. Was I a soul worth saving?