I remember waking up one morning and all was quiet. I remember siting by the table to eat, and there was no noise to be heard, except for the ones of me chewing. I remember my mom waking up, walking past me, saying a quiet "good morning", after that I swear you could eve have heard a pen falling.
I remember my father waking up, immediately walking down to shower, the only noice was the low noice of water dripping. I remember finishing my meal, and the only noice from there to I left my home before going to school, was the sound of me washing my plate.
I remember coming to school, and there was noises, but never the sound of my own voice being uttered. I remember the noice of people typing on their computers and students talking to each other or the teacher, but never the noice that my own mouth speaking.
I remember people avoiding me, walking around me or away from me. I remember people walking in groups, but I was never a part of them. My own friends would avoid me, and not speak to me. I remember coming home, texting my friends, and for a while it seamed to be okay. But today I could not shake the feeling, that I was annoying them, and that they would rather not talk to me. There texts seemed short and aggressive.
I remember sending them a message to apologize, and for the next days, I tried to not talk to them, because I though deeply in my heart that it was the right thing to do. I remember feeling disappointed in myself, wishing that I could be and behave a way so that people would like me more, and so that they would not grow tired of me so fast.
I remember trying to change, but I also remember crying myself to sleep, never feeling that I was enough for anyone. I remember trying to do better in school, trying to seem happier, trying to be more helpful.
I remember trying to be who I am not.
I remember because that is where I am in my life now.
I have to say I am sorry.
I have to say that I never meant to disappoint you.
I have to say I want to change.
I have to say I want to be normal.
I have to say, that i can't do it.
I can only try to be better, but not necessarily be.
I can only try to never disappoint you, but not promise you won't feel so.
I can only try to be normal, but I can not promise.
I can only try, i am sorry.
