Agent

Chapter 16: I can if you let me

Alex's POV

The pair of strong arms didn't let go....

"Alex! Alex!"

My eyes bursted open as I felt my shoulders being shaken.

"Stella!" I shouted. My heart was racing at an unnecessary speed and I had an adrenaline rush of a junkie.

"Alex calm down. It's me Harry." His voice was oddly soothing.

I was still breathing heavily. My nerves were twisting and grinding against each other.

"Harry?" I asked

"Yeah" His green eyes looked at me in worry.

"I'm gonna hurl" I held my breath and rushed off to the bathroom.

What really worried me is that I haven't had these dreams-nightmares- in years. I always shut the memory of Stella and my past life out. It's just too painful to think about. Most of all the guilt of leaving Sophie still crept up on me after 11 long years. Even with my advanced research skills I could find her but I always stopped myself. I'm too scared to see what I have left behind and what has become of my darling Sophie. I was a coward.

"Alex breathe." Harry rubbed my back.

"No I'm okay. I'm fine." I gulped down some water to get the horrid taste out my mouth.

"Look I'm sorry I've been an ass to you.. There really is no excuse and I'm sorry."

"I've been a bit much too. We can try be civil" I weakly smiled.

"Hey look, there will be other times to see Ed you need some sleep love." No ones ever called me love before and I have no idea how I feel about that.

"Okay." I really don't want to sleep and allow my inner demons to lash out at me again.

"Stay" I weakly whispered. I looked at him. Nevermind this was killing my ego, I just needed someone else with me in the room.

"Sure." He said plainly. He pulled the covers on one side of the bed and motioned me to climb in. He awkwardly lay next to me not knowing what to do.

I guess being closed off all the time comes off as being arrogant and annoying. I've never really thought about what people thought about me. It's always been my agent career and reputation before all the personal feelings.

We lay there not knowing what to do or say.

"What was your childhood like?" I randomly asked.

"Well, my parents divorced when I was 7. My mom just did her best to give Gem and I a great childhood which she did." He smiled fondly. Even though it was dark I could see his eyes light up at the mention of the two most important girls in his life.

"That's nice." My heart ached a little. I always wanted a 'disney filled' childhood. I did but it only lasted a few years-not even.

Stop moping over the past my subconcious told me

"And yours?" I was so stupid to ask a question like this and not think of the consequences.

"Uh it was....rough." I tried to keep the wave of emotion from sinking me under its wrath. But slowly, very slowly I was sinking.

"Rough?" He questioned. He shifted his body to face mine- which was still facing blankly to the ceiling.

"Yeah. My mom she..." I trailed off. I've never opened up to someone before. There was something in me tugging at me to do it but something pulling me back and mixing up the words forcing me not to. Before I met the boys, I never saw the reason to opening up. I mean in the end you spend so much time dwelling on the past that you forget about the present and the future.