Do you ever consider that maybe...just maybe. The dumbass inside you can take control at one point? Making a decision is harder if you can't make the right one. I learned the hard way to follow your heart. But did I chose what my heart wanted. No-No I didn't. Now do I regret it? Absolutely. Do you ever think that maybe you are better off somewhere far away? Do you ever hurt people you love to make others happy? Have you ever wanted something to stop so bad that instead of listening to your heart you listen to your head? Have you ever faked being just fine and happy and content to make people believe that you don't think about jumping off a building every morning. Do you ever want everything to just- go away? Have you ever wanted to go away? Do you ever wonder if the people that love you the most....actually see the pain and hate you are putting on yourself? Have you ever wanted to please everyone else but you end up shattered on the inside?
Last month I finally felt what Bella from Twilight felt. It doesn't feel too good at all. I have two people that I love dearly who at the moment can't stand each other. They have known each other way longer than they both have known me, not sure what is so fucking special about me that makes you two fight over me. I'm just one girl, I can't take it. Okay yes I love them both, I'm not scared to admit it.. It can't do as much damage as I have done just by being alive. Last night I thought death was my only option because a normal girl wouldn't be in love with two... I mean TWO totally different guys. I mean so what I'm not normal- but do I cheat on anyone- No, not intentionally that is. So does that make this problem ten times harder. Yes. It's so hard not to just break down all day. I'm not gonna lie since the other day...I've been hiding my emotions, I've been faking so many smiles and laughs. I've never been so hard on myself I honestly hate myself. I mean- if I were them I'd hate me. But NOPE I hurt them both the same amount of times and yet. They both still love me which in the end- I'm thankful for but I still wish they didn't. I wouldn't love me if I were them. Can someone please read this and tell me what to do.... RIght now...All I do when I get away from the people I don't want to see me so depressed I just. I don't eat or sleep. I don't ever smile much. I don't ever stop crying....What do I do?
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Human by Christina Perri-
"I can hold my breath
I can bite my tongue
I can stay awake for days
If that's what you want
Be your number one
I can fake a smile
I can force a laugh
I can dance and play the part
If that's what you ask
Give you all I amI can do it
I can do it
I can do itBut I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
'Cause I'm only human, yeah"
