crush

one

dub.

dub.

dub.

my heart pounded against my chest so loudly that I swore Loren would have heard it.

wait ... am I dumb? why does such a small thing even matter now?

I would be passing by his class in approximately a minute now. this meant that I had enough time to consider my choices. I definitely had to make the decision now.

should I take a quick look at him? or just pretend to ignore his existence?

wow. this turned out to be more stressful than I thought it would have been. taking both choices into consideration was like choosing a life and death situation.

"ugh. look away? no, then I will be missing out on such a great opportunity..."

"stare at him? too creepy. but, I mean he won't even notice me if I actually look at him... would he? well, who would look at me anyways? it would only give him eye cancer if he did considering that I am ugly, bland and boring to him. so, what do I do?! ugh!"

panicking just makes it even worse so I need to try and calm myself down.

the thoughts in my head scattered about which gave me a major headache. then, a brilliant thought shot through my mind and decided what to do.

I secretly praised myself for being efficient considering that the deed was made just a few seconds before passing his class.

any second now.

.

.

.

It was more than just the "fuzzy feeling in your stomach". I had a huge crush on him for about 4 years now and I always felt as though the perspiration that trickled down my forehead were always due to the hot weather. realisation hit me when i noticed that it only happened when his presence was around.

that was when I figured it all out.

"a crush on james" was what i figured out.

I had never mastered the courage of confession. I found it quite embarrassing and those who did were either extremely brave or just plain shameless.

I didn't tell him how much I loved him for I was not sure what the emotion I was feeling was, since nobody had told me; that confusing, ambiguous feeling, a vague feeling I had never truly experienced before.

perhaps, the famous four lettered word, 'love'?

and that was how i figured it all out.

he wasn't your typical playboy. he was so nice, almost the perfect human being anyone could ask for.

he was just like a rose. just that no one had the intention of keeping him. no one except for me.

and maybe it was his eyes? his eyes .... oh, those dreamy pair of azure-blue eyes. one's soul would definitely get lost just staring into those eyes. they would get lost in it over and over again and never find its way out.

.

.

.

ahhh...

there he was. paying attention in class. what else could i expect? he wasn't just hot but he also had the brains. admiring him from afar... i could do this all day long. 

the way he used his hand to grasp the blue-inked pen in his hand made me wonder about how nice it was if my hand was under his. 

that's when something happened. he just had to catch me off guard.

as though it was taken out from a movie scene, he turned around in slow motion. the wind brushed gently against his brown hair. the moment we had eye contact, it was at though the whole universe stopped for a moment. it was just the both of us. 

it was there, i saw the spark.

james and alyssa.

he noticed me. my heart almost skipped a beat.

then, what followed next made me just about the happiest girl in the entire planet.

four-lettered word, 'love':

Like breathing, I started when I was born, started loving. I didn't know its name, but I knew pleasures: eating, warmth.

One day, like a flashing of lightning, I linked the four letters, the feeling, with the word. the word was never the same.

Very soon, I could list love galore: sunshine, Mom's smile, Dad's laugh, our house, my bed, jeans, friends; the taste of peppermint, music that lifted me soaring off the floor.

Ever since I met you, the word, the same four letters became a private place your face takes me, ours the only keys to the invisible door. 

hey guys! mye is finally over so i can work more on my stories and yeshhhhh june holidays is here! :)

i was planning on working more on my stories which i surely will but i found a job and my grades aren't that great so i will be studying more and be more busy cuz of my job.

but i can work more on my stories too! so will write more stories soon! btw, last part was taken out from a book though. thanks for reading! <3