snapchat - vkook

12

A/N:
I just realized I fucked up with the usernames in the last chapter. Tae's was supposed to be 🍓MilkTae not Taetae👽. I wrote that part really late sorry:/

As soon as Jungkook got home from Jimin's he pushed past his questioning parents and locked himself in his room. He turned out all the lights and layed back on his plush comforter. Rolling onto his side, pulling his legs up to his chest, and biting his bottom lip, Jungkook tired his best to suppress his tears.

The deafening silence in the room being no help to the raven haired boy. In the darkness there was no escape from his thoughts. They whorled around his head in a confusing galaxy of self destructive habits. He tried to build a wall against them but it was all too easy to give in, to let the hate and criticism fill him up.

They weren't just about his personality and actions, but about his physical appearance as well. And no matter how many therapy sessions his parents forced him into, or Jimin telling him countless times he was perfect and loved, he only ever felt satisfied with himself for a second before he was falling back into his well worn patterns.

He knew in that moment he was being dramatic and irrational about Taehyung. They had only been talking for a few weeks, they hardly knew each other, it was only expected that Taehyung wouldn't say he wanted to be anything more than friends. But that didn't stop Jungkook from spirling.

Of course he doesn't want to be anything but friends, you know no one could ever really love you.

There just isn't anything likable about you. And you're pathetic for even thinking you might have a chance at having him.

You don't deserve to be loved because you are just a pathetic, needy child, a burden to those around you.

Just look at yourself, crying alone in your room because you hate yourself so much.

Jungkook pulled his shaking frame from the mattress and turned on the light. After taking a moment to let his reddened eyes adjust to the sudden brightness, he moved to stand in front of the mirror. He sniffed and nibbled at his bottom lip, head tilted to the side slightly as he examined his reflection. He always started with his face. He hated how puffy his eyes have gotten as tears fell down his rosy cheeks, his eyes following them, only to fixate on the small scar below his eye. Heaving a heavy sigh he pulled his black t-shirt over his head, tossing it somewhere in the mess of his room. His eyes slowly trailed over every inch of his torso, picking out every single flaw. Finding even the slightest glimpse of fat with utter disgust.

After a few minutes of nit-picking, Jungkook moved on, removing his sweats, leaving him in his boxers. And he began again. Starting at his rather slim waist all the way to his ankles. Standing there, completely vulnerable, his emotions showing stronger than ever he couldn't help but feel repulsed. Not only by what he finds in his reflection, but that fact that he was looking for it in the first place.

The overwhelming hatred became too much for him to handle. His mind became fragmented as he rushed to his closet, he pulled a big grey sweatshirt over his head, letting it fall to his mid thigh. Not bothering to find pants, he switched his lights off and climbed into bed. Pulling the covers around himself, he squeezed his eyes shut, attempting, and failing, to stop the tears.

No matter how tired Jungkook was, and all the things he tried, he couldn't' sleep. Instead he spent the night with his cruel thoughts, pulling himself apart slowly until there was nothing left. 

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A/N:

First real chapter! 

Thoughts?