what we choose to become

chapter 5

Sting and Rogue have a moment. 

-----

Sting was snoring softly in his lap when Rogue finally looked up at the other two boys and took a deep breath. Natsu cut him off before he could say anything.

"You're staying." It was a statement, with just enough hint of a question that Rogue could say no if he really wanted to. Which he didn't. Obviously. But how would Sting feel? Sting had always been the more prideful of the two, and ashamed of how his power had been used against him. Now that he had a moment to think about it, Rogue was honestly surprised that they had ended up here – that this had been the first place that Sting thought was safe. Was it because Fairy Tail had shown themselves to be powerful, and Sting thought that would keep Minerva and the others off their backs? Or was it because he saw a family in them that neither he nor Rogue had ever had?

His gaze drifted back to Natsu's face, open and honest with a slightly furrowed brow, and Rogue realized he had been sitting there for too long without saying anything. Sting always said it was one the reasons that people thought he was strange.

"I...I think so?" He looked down hesitantly at Sting and ran a gentle hand through his hair. Then he glanced out the window and realized with a start that it was dark out – again. "What time – what day – "

"About ten now," Natsu replied, "Today was the day off so you two just got to laze around in bed all day." He grinned, and Rogue found himself smiling.

"So what are you going to do?" The question came from Gray, who had been silent so far, but now gazed at Rogue intently. Rogue ducked his head, avoiding the gaze. He was silent for a while, then shrugged.

"I d-don't know," he admitted, clutching Sting a little tighter to him. Sting exhaled softly and then turned himself, nuzzling Rogue's stomach and sighing happily. Rogue felt his face begin to flush, but he didn't release his friend. He looked up to see Gray giving Natsu a half-smile, and he swallowed.

"Do you know..." he licked his lips and continued, voice wavering. "What happened to – I mean, is S-s-Sabertooth still – does anyone k-know..." he trailed off, reaching a hand up to his face and rubbing his temples miserably.

"Sabertooth reformed under Minerva," Gray responded, leaning forward so his elbows rested on his knees. He ran a hand through his hair and let it rest on the back of his neck. "Nobody knows anything about Jiemma, they're not saying what happened." Rogue swallowed and nodded, feeling dazed. He hadn't even thought about Minerva – about her cruelty, the way she always looked at him and ran her fingernails down his arms. He shuddered, pushing the memories away. And the idea of Jiemma being dead was still taking its time to work its way through his brain.

"We're gonna kick their asses," Natsu exclaimed, slapping a fist into his palm. Rogue stiffened for a moment, then relaxed his shoulders, realizing that Natsu was, in a strange way, trying to make him feel better. Gray stood and rested a hand on Natsu's shoulders and the pink-haired boy blinked at him, then gave Rogue a grin.

The sound of someone clearing their throat in the doorway made the three boys jump, and Sting started, reaching up and rubbing his eyes. Makarov was standing at the door. Rogue had only seen the Fairy Tail Master a few times, and he had never looked particularly imposing – especially considering that Rogue always had Jiemma to compare with. But looking at the man now, Rogue could sense the power in his presence. Even Natsu straightened up a bit.

"How are you feeling?" Makarov asked from the door. Rogue just nodded, ducking his head so his hair fell in his face. Sting blinked a few times and pushed himself up on his elbows, looking around sleepily. Gray hopped off the bed and headed over to the Master.

"I think they need a few minutes," he said softly, and Makarov nodded.

"Rest for now," he said to the boys. "I'll be back to speak with you." Rogue nodded. Natsu reached out a hand and hesitated as the dark-haired boy flinched violently.

"I'm sorry," Natsu said, pulling his hand away and giving Rogue a sad smile.

"Not your fault," whispered Rogue. Natsu smiled again and then headed for the door, closing it behind him. Rogue let out a heavy breath and sighed, staring down at Sting, who was still braced against his thigh. His face had been so peaceful when he slept – no aggression or anger – but now that hardness was returning. Rogue ran a gentle finger down the scar above Sting's eyebrow and felt tears welling up in his eyes again. Could they really be free? Could he touch Sting like this and know that it wouldn't be used against him the next day?

Sting hadn't looked away from him, and leaned into Rogue's hand as it made its way down the side of his jaw. He turned and planted a gentle kiss in the centre of Rogue's palm. Rogue's fingers lingered over the gash on Sting's cheek and he sighed softly.

"You alright?" Sting murmured, pulling himself to a sitting position and grasping Rogue's knee. "I-" he swallowed, taking a shaky breath. "I thought I'd lost you." Rogue shook his head vehemently.

You can't get rid of me that easily, he signed. Sting laughed, a sharp exhale. He remembered Rogue teaching him those signs, back when they needed a way to communicate without Jiemma or Minerva catching on. Rogue had all but stopped talking a few months after he joined Sabertooth, and the two boys had gotten used to communicating with their hands instead. Sometimes, Sting thought, it was easier than saying things out loud. Especially things like I care for you, You're special to me, You're amazing...and I love you.

Okay? Sting watched Rogue's hands move up to his chest in the simple sign. He nodded, stretching his arms above his head and groaning softly, then looking quizzically at Rogue. Minerva took over Sabertooth, Rogue signed, and they're still competing in the games. Sting's eyes widened, and Rogue could see they were filled with fear. I don't think they knew where we are.

Sting shook his head, reaching out a hand to rest on Rogue's chest, where the blast had hit him. He was silent for a long time, but Rogue could feel his hand trembling through the bandages. Finally he removed his hand.

I don't know how to feel. His hands were shaky, but the sentiment was there. There's so much – I'm relieved and scared and...he looked up at Rogue again and reached out a hand, touching his cheek and running a thumb along his bottom lip. Rogue closed his eyes and let out a shaky half-sigh, half-moan. This wasn't a new thing, the touching. They had shared a room at Sabertooth, and had spent nearly every night in the same bed, legs entwined, heads on each other's chests, hands clasped. But it was all so hidden. The more affection they showed for each other, the more Jiemma could use it against them.

He's not here anymore, Rogue signed, hands shaky from the feeling of Sting's fingers on his lips. And we can worry about everything else later.Ignoring the pain in his chest, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Sting's.

There was no awkward pause like he had expected, just a soft sigh and complete and utter reciprocation. Sting's hand moved back to thread into Rogue's hair, the other clasped against the shadow slayer's chest, and he kissed Rogue like he hoped it could convey all the things he didn't know how to say. He could feel Rogue's heartbeat increasing, fluttering under their joined hands, and he knew it matched the pounding he could feel in his own veins.

After a minute they broke apart, both breathing shakily, foreheads pressed together and smiles on their faces.

"Rogue?"

"Mm."

"Don't ever scare me like that again." A soft puff of laughter crossed Rogue's lips.

"You know I can't promise that," Rogue whispered, leaning in for another soft kiss. Sting sighed gently, then nipped at Rogue's bottom lip.

"Rogue, I...I mean, I want to – I just – I -"

A loud, excited voice broke through their intimate moment as Happy barged into the room.

"They're in LUUUUUUUUURVE!"