Substitute

one

"Fuck", I gasped while feeling my body turn numb. If I knew that this was how I was going to die I would've never set foot in this god forsaken pharmacy.

-September 6th 2020-

"This is bullshit!" I stated as I stood up in fury, visibly not paying attention to the leftovers on my plate.

"Jodie, please. We've talked about this many times already." My interlocutor pointed out before wiping her mouth with a stale handkerchief, which had her initials "EH" finely sewed on it.

"I can't believe you call yourself a mother!" My voice cracked as I spiritedly let out the last sentence. Although I already felt regret filling me up, it didn't stop me from going further. "You knew dad was innocent but you just couldn't wait for him to be released, could you? You had to cheat on him with this-", that's where I stopped myself. "Fuck, I just can't take this anymore." I distanced myself from the dining table and stormed out of the building, still hearing her whimpers and her boyfriend's shouts.

"I hope Arno didn't hear my outburst.", roamed through my thoughts as I was walking down the street. I suddenly began feeling very cold. Am I getting sick? No. It was pouring. I realised when the sound of the rain finally drowned my thoughts and the music I was listening to. Walking a few more miles before I stopped at a bridge. Should I just end it? I took a step closer before fear overtook me. No I shouldn't, I'm just running away from my responsibilities. A wave of emotions went through me as my tears were hidden by the rain dashing against my cheeks. Who cares, nobody gives a shit about me anyway. My increasing insecurity and the depressing music filling my head encouraged me to climb on the edge of the bridge. Now I was facing a busy highway beneath me. If I moved my feet just for one more metre I would fall down and die without a doubt, if not by the collision with the wet asphalt then the one with a car. My legs were shaking as I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply before making my final decision. My head cleared and I almost took my last step forward when a thick rain drop landed on my face and pulled me back into reality. "What the fuck am I doing? Shit." I said as I got back to my senses. I can't just leave Arno and dad behind. I must live on for them! I kneeled down and supported myself with my arms as I slowly stretched out one leg behind me to get off of the low wall that was surrounding the sides of the bridge. Just when the tip of my shoe almost touched the ground, I felt a heavy force on my back pushing me, which caused my body to lose balance and made me fall forward. My heart was racing. My hands tried holding onto the edge of the wall but they couldn't hold the weigh of my slack body as I fell and gravity pulled me towards it. I could feel the cool wind browsing up my hair and hitting against my body. This was it, I was falling down, face front, my arms reaching towards the lively traffic under me. My earphones were still plugged in and the last thing i've heard, before my phone mid-air slipped out of my pocket and pulled the earphones with it, was the refrain of my favourite song. Hey, hey, don't you feel the rush? Hey,hey, better take your shot now
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