NOT MINE!!!
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/724152/how-can-i-amberliu-drama-kryber-krystal
Characters
krystal jung,amberliu,f(x)
Description
A love they've shared between the two of them..A relationship they've built for five years that they thought have come to an end...each of them have decided to go on their own separate ways..secrets untold..love thats been kept in the past...what happens when after two years of being apart finally met again in the most complicated situation for both of them..
It's been two weeks since i came back to Korea to fullfill a promise and an invitation that is so hard to turn down..and even harder for me to accept but I guess it's time and this way it'll be easier for me to accept the fact..my sister Jackie decided to accompany me with Yoona..yes these two wont give me time alone because of my condition..and even told me how pathetic I was..who's Yoona?,well she's a special friend of mine,we've been together for almost a year and a half now since my family brought me back to LA..well not literally together in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship but a nurse-patient relationship. She's a nurse in a particular hospital where i've been taking my monthly check-up since the accident happened..few months before that accident, I've been diagnosed with a brain tumor when i was still here in Korea living with my girlfriend slash X-girlfiend now.Everything was so perfect back then. It was always us against the world,only me needing her and her needing me. She's a model and im an engineer. We attended the same university, had the same language class, that's how i met her..that's how i loved her first..She was so-called the "ice-princess" and I was her ever loyal servant..my jung soojung or should I say "she was"?.Although we were both too busy with our own works we always find time to catch up and take care with each other to avoid relationship gaps.Untill one day.I decided to take a check-up because of severe headaches i've been experiencing lately..i've undergone some tests and that's when I found out about how serious my condition was..Fear conquered upon me..I was so frustrated so afraid with my own thoughts..I did'nt know what to do,to tell her or not.It seemed like things did'nt wanna go on my way. It was then when many cf and modelling projects were offered to her. That was when I did'nt have much time to spend with her because of her packed schedules. She always came home late and sometimes it took her till midnight to come home because of the shooting locations. That seing her always tired and exhausted i felt sorry for myself and specially for her. I knew she's slowly stepping closer towards her dream being a well known model in fashion industries..and I knew she worked hard enough to reach for it..and that was when I made my decision not to tell her about me..I did'nt want to be added on her worries when I know she's on the peak of reaching her dreams. I wanted to show her my support and not for her to worry about me. As days went by the symptoms slowly became more serious that sometimes i could'nt handle anymore and nearly passed out..and it felt like hell that even taking my medicines wont ease the pain i've been feeling in my head..Thanks to her busy schedules she wont be able to see me suffering and enduring those pains. Whenever I was with her I always show her the dorky side of me and always give her those reassuring smiles to cover what I really felt and make her feel I'm ok and I support her whatever she's doing even if it cost her being apart from me most of the time..that eventhough her work takes most of her time..that eventhough I miss her so much.. I understand and will still love her more. Yes I kept the problem by myself afraid to let her know. I kept telling mysef that I should tell her beacause she have all the right to know about it but HOW CAN I..when I dont have any right to take away her dreams from her.. I know she can give up everything for me even her own career that makes her happy and no..i can't let that happen. Then days became weeks and I knew myself it's hard to hide what I was going through and there will come a time when I wont be able hide those visible effects of my illness on me anymore. That was when not only my appearance was deteriorating but also our so-called relationship or should I say it was just me who thought of that.She did everything to cope up with me whenever given the chance while I was busy fighting with my own feelings. Then one day my doctor told me that my condition is getting worse and I have to decide wether to undergo a surgery or not wherein there is a 50-50 chance for me to survive. It's not even a terminal disease but thinking of my princess suffering because of me felt like dying. Since that day I did not attend any of my check-up anymore. Many "what if's" were running through my mind like what if I can't survive the operation will she be able to go on without me?..I don't want to leave her alone..I want to see her happy and not crying because of me. I came up into a decision wherein I myself can't even think of how I did it. All I knew was I needed it to keep the truth from her. I avoided her..I made her feel I can survive eah day without her..Slowly I made her feel she doesnt mean anything to me anymore.. I made her feel I fell out of love and it's me to be blamed..I made lies just for her to hate me..I did everything I could to be unworthy for her to love me anymore. I always came home drunk and shout at her face whenever she tries to take care of me..I always came home late and sometimes I dont and stayed at my car to sleep for her to feel that i dont want to see her. I wanted her to hate me..I wanted her to forget about me..I wanted her to regret the day she accepted and started to love me..I wanted her to get used to the feeling without me beside her not feeling hurt..I did those things for her own sake..I needed to break her heart so that one day she'll be able to move on without me..Even if she'll think of me as the negative part of her past..I did all those mean things to her eventhough it caused my heart to shatter into pieces..I did everything to show her the opposite side of me..I said to myself hang-on my princess this will soon come to an end..I knew I successfully deceived her when she caught me making out with another girl in my car infront of our house when she came home one night from work..well that was quite a show I planned for her to see I dont deserve her..Yes i acted the like a total jerk infront of her..that when she confronted me why I was doing those things to her I just simply said I dont love her anymore and being with her makes me sick and that was when she started hitting me on my chest telling me how stupid I was(yes very stupid right?)I wanted her to hit me harder 'cause i know that's what I deserved..she cried so hard infront of me that I wanted to hug her so tight but I refrained myself to do so,instead... I slowly walked back to the car and that was when I heard her say:
