In many years I've lived in this world. I've never found a person so beautiful, yet, so childish.
Honestly, I'd say, every words in oxford english dictionary won't be able to express him more than those 2 words.
Like the stars that shone above the nightsky.
Like the clouds that tried to hide the lights away.
He was both.
He was everything that you hoped
And everything that you loathed.
"Hey," he greeted me so kindly and I answered.
'How's your day? Did you do the homework? Want to go to the movies with me this weekend? Do you want to eat together?' and thousands other more ramblings ran across my head. Alas, my mouth could only produced 'hey'.
He changed, as I looked at him more thoroughly. But, somehow, he was still the same.
I love him
I hate him
Did he even care about me.
Of couse he does
Of course not
Why?
He's everything I've ever wanted
He's everything I've ever hated.
The time that we had
It was okay, can't argue with that.
*"Chapter 1:???" Title has been changed to "Chapter 1: Love"*
And then,
We were close
As we were far.
I loved him, I really might do. I wanted to say it to him, but I never knew how to. Did he ever get a clue? Did I even gave him clues too?
But yet, he had always seemed so far away. He was literally no more than 10 feets away, but his gazed was thousands of miles away from me.
Alone
Betrayed
Ditched
He never really loved me, anyway.
I guess he never saw me the way I saw him.
And so, I maintain our distance too.
And now everytime I think about him.
I thought about the fact that I am so selfish.
I wanted him just for my own wish.
Did I ever really love him?
Or was it just Lust that came across me?
Maybe I should stop
Trying to make him feel the way i feel.
Maybe I should stop
Stealing chances to get a glance of him .
Maybe I should stop
Caring too.
Maybe I should stop
Loving him for good.
*"Chapter 1: Love" Title has been changed to "Chapter 1: ???"*
But, never he tried to stop reaching for me.
The simple hey-s, the warming smiles, and his bright face.
It was all felt like a dream.
And living In a dream, shall I be.
And I came to love him again.
Maybe, it would be different this time, and so on and so forth.
We talked
We laughed
We joked
We cried
We were everything that I've ever wanted.
But somehow, life kept reminding me, that he was never mine.
And we strayed again for the second time.
And it was the same, all over again.
And now, I finally am sure
That I had been very selfish
He never did intend to walk away
But I did
Before he realised
That I was no good for him.
I was too prideful of him
I broke him
I ruined him
I had been the antagonist all this time
His love was too bright
His intentions were too pure
His hopes were too innocent
For the worst of people like me
He came to say hey
I ignored
He tried more and more
But I was so selfish, I shut him off.
And finally, he lost it.
It was by the end of April.
He finally seen the worst of me
And he had gone.
Leaving one simple "hey"
Funny how we started
With one simple "hey"
And now we ended
With one simple "hey"
And it was in the start of May.
He changed
And now, I know that he had changed for good.
He cut his hair
He looks better, I guess.
Why should we care?
Did he pass the math test?
Did he study for today's test?
His business is none of our business.
I love him
I still love him
I can stop loving him.
Notice me!
Talk to me!
Why can't I just stop?
But non of them, came out.
No resolution
And we stayed like this.
And in the end, we just kept getting far far away from each other.
No more signs of redemption.
No more simple "hey"s
No more of my selfishness.
Cause I do love him.
I love him so much, I had to let him go
Away from my selfishness
That would certainly ruined him for good.
Cause when you really love someone
Would you ever want them to be hurt? Even by yourself?
Loving him felt like a dream
And I would be dreaming everyday, so on and so forth.
But the world needs not such dreamers like me.
And shall I be, a dreamer no more today, so on and so forth.
And in the end,
This was never a story about a person who fell in love with a guy who would never realizes that person.
'Twas a love story of a selfish person and an innocent guy.
And knowing that I will never hurt him anymore,
Put a smile on my face
*"Chapter 1: ???" title has been changed to "Chapter 1: Selfish"*
