Dear Father

2018

Dear Son,

I read your diary. I read all the notes. Ava stole it from your room for me (and she made me promise that I won't let you kill her so please don't).

I just want to say that I know I've been a shit father in the past three years. I don't know how to make it up to you and it makes me feel even more guilty that you have forgiven me already.

I know you forgave me the moment you saw me when you were sitting alone in the waiting room, waiting for Bella's C-section to be over. I'm so sorry I wasn't there with you when you needed me the most. I'm so sorry I couldn't be a father when I should've been the best one. I'm sorry I chose so late to surprise you but the way you looked at me when you saw me for the first time after three years-- at the moment when you were expecting it the least-- that priceless expression will stay with me forever.

Steve is the most adorable little fellow. Stupid of you to name him after me. When I talk to him, it feels like I'm talking to myself. He is a beautiful child though. Has eyes like his grandmother and a nose like yours.
Skinny, just like you. Guess we'll have to put him into football too, eh? Just kidding.

Bella is a nice girl too. I hope you guys marry, I want to see you settle down before I die. I can feel you rolling your eyes and murmuring 'You're only forty six, papa' right after you read the previous sentence. But you never know about life.

I'm so happy to see you happy. If death were to come to me right now, I won't refuse. I've never been as satisfied and at peace in my life before. My love and my children are happy, that's all I need.

I'm honoured to be your father, James.
I hope you know that always.
I love you, son.
And I'll always be here for you.
And even though I no longer am (yeah yeah I'm only 46), don't stop writing in this diary.
It's funny in the beginning.

Steve