You Help Me Live (Camren)

Chapter 18: Missing You (Camila's P.O.V)

A bit triggering for some, so please don't take anything to heart. STAY STRONG!!! <3<3<3

Camila's P.O.V: 

Dinah didn't get to the hospital for almost an hour. She had said that she had been a little ways out of town on a date with Siope, but that she would hurry as quickly as she could. 

As strange as it was, there was no rain in the sky. Everything was completely clear and the sun beaded down its rays onto my face. The heat numbed the bruise's pain and made me forget how terrible I felt. I was still crying, but I didn't feel a need to cry with the sun on my face. It warmed the parts of my heart that Lauren turned blue and cold. Even if it was only temporary, I wanted to soak up every ray I could before I couldn't do anything more than consume myself with self-pity. 

The warmth I was feeling in the current moment was not to overlook the pain of hearing Lauren say goodbye. I knew that lying to her would make her mad, but I never dreamed that she would leave. I looked back at the moments when I considered her something stable and constant. I was so naive to believe that anything I love could stick around. My mother hadn't, and my sister had gone with her. My dad had been someone I loved once, but now he was only a dark figure that aided in my attempt to be alone. 

Lauren was everything to me from the moment we kissed. She made me feel like maybe, if I tried, I could walk the Earth with a hand in my own. She wasn't bitter, or dull, and she hadn't hurt me in any way up to this point. Lauren was like that present on Christmas morning that you never expected to get. You might have asked your parents for certain things as the magical day of the year rolled around, but they listened the whole year through, and got you the one thing you wanted, but had forgotten about. 

Lauren was a surprise that was never supposed to happen, but one I fully enjoyed. She had been given to me, to pull me out of the bubble I had created for the past 5 years, but as she neared the last layer of it, I let go of her hand. I let the fears and pain that all the years had brought me control my actions, instead of letting myself go and detaching myself from what I considered reality. 

I wanted nothing more than to tell Lauren everything about my life. I wanted to tell her how much pain had been inflicted into my soul and body. I wanted to explain to her my 'almost-suicide', and let her hold me in her arms every night as the clock ticked by. No matter how much I wanted all of this, I ruined my chance. 

Dinah's car pulled up in front of me and I was ripped away from my regret and evaluation. She parked and ran to me with a concerned expression on her face. The way her hair flowed in the wind reminded me of that first day that Lauren dragged me back to her house in a full sprint as the rain drenched us to the bone. 

"Mila you look terrible; you should have told me to hurry up!" Dinah said as she sat down on the bench I was on and pulled me into a full body hug. Her arms were so long that they wrapped around my small frame and were able to touch the other elbow of the arm in their pair. 

"I didn't want to pull you away from Siope." I said in a small voice. I didn't want to speak up. I didn't want to make myself known to the world anymore. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and rest in a corner as I rebuilt the walls of my bubble. 

"I love Siope, but believe me, friends always come first." Dinah said as she squeezed my body tighter. I took in a quick gasp of air to avoid screaming at the pain that my body was filled with. The hug that Dinah was giving was painful, but I needed the comfort at the moment. 

"Come on, let's get you to my house, and watch a 'boo-hoo' chick-flick, as we eat a shit ton of food." Dinah released me from her hug and grabbed my hand. She slowly led me to her car and opened the door for me like Lauren always did. Will I never be able to get Lauren out of my head?