Chapter Two- To Handle Emotions
Today when I woke up, I noticed something strange. I went to the garage this morning to get something for my dog that was in the car, and then i saw many bottles of vodka and different bottles with alcohol. And they were all empty. But the most wierd thing is that my brother drove me to the store yesterday to get some dogfood, and then it wasn't any bottles there. So it's bothering me a bit, I am kind of worried because my father was very close to commiting suicide, but he died in a car crash. because he was driving while he was drunk. It was 8 years ago, but i still miss him. But that is the thing, there is always someone new you can love because there will always be places for them in your heart, but if you loved somebody once, you never really stop loving them. They carry around a piece of your heart. But i tried to push those taughts away, as I went to school.
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So i told Lily about all the bottles and she taught it was my brother coming from a party or something, that made me feel a bit better.
When it was lunch Lily and I met, duh, and we started talking as usual. "ugh, this cafeteria food sucks, it's like somebody went to a five star resturant, and then took the trash form it, and mixed it together, just so we would have something to complain about." Lily said while toutching the food with her spoon, with a disgusted look on her face. "Oh.. my.. god.. lily!" I managed to say between laughter that filled the room. Many just looked ugly at me, but it made me laughed even more. I literally fell on the floor laughing, with lily beside me. "... it is .. it's .. actually ..... absolutely true" I said while I nearly choked of oxygen loss while laughing so much.
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Later today i am going to meet Lily at the mall and find the perfect dress, or outfit. But that is still in one hour. Then a memory of dad popped up in my head. I remembered the time he gave me this tick diary/notebook thing, so when i got sad i could just write in that to let my fellings out. Then i started to write.
My dad told me to write whatever in this book, what ever i felt. i feel nothing. just all empty, but at the same time I don't. It feels like my head is going to explode, I think i love this guy i have known forever, but i feel so far from him now. you know we were bestfriends for 2 or 3 years i think, until he left me to be popular, and to have a girlfriend. He couldn't see how much I liked him back then. He couldn't see me as I really was. Why? I don't know, and it drives me crazy.
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"OMG!!! This would fit you so well. go now shus, try this" Lily said while looking at me like i had the speed of a snail "hey! we don't have all day Jen! now hurry. The party is tomorrow"
I tried the clothes on, they looked beautiful on me. i looked gorgeous, but the only thing that was keeping me from looking sexy and not childish was mylong hair, with big curls at the very end. It was a dark blue tank top, it didn't reach any lower then over my belly button, and there were no arms on it. To it i had a long skirt reaching down to my feet andsome blue high heeled pumps, matching tha tank top. So i obviously bought it.
"Lily, what am i going to do with my hair?" I asked kind of upset, because i couldn't look like a troll when i showed up tomorrow. "hmm.. I know what to do! do you trust me?.. well of course you do, now shut up and close your eyes" I did as she said, believe me when i say it, it's easier to obey her then to ask why. I swear, I saw a light pop up over her head when she knew what to do.
I heard a lot of noises and we walked, me with closed eyes. of course i trusted her. i sat down i a chair, and heard some whispering behind me, then i heard sound of the scissor when it cuts hair. "LILY!? Did you take me to the hair dresser?" i asked kind of in a mad tone. "YES!" she almost screamed proudly, like she just saved me from a burning building. "Okay look Jen, you kind of absolutely really needed it! I'll pay!" she said and even though my eyes was closed i could hear her annoying smirk.
When i opened my eyes i gazed at the mirror, It looked fricking amazing, it was like I was about to jump out of the chair and dance in happines. And i never dance. Because i suck. And yeah It looked great. I was cut so short it was just below my shoulders, she gave it some more stripes and it was all straight, but that is because mu curls was only at the bottom of my hair.
Now i was all ready for the party.
When i got home i started to write in the book i got from dad.
I know that even if i fix my hair, get sexy, put nice clothes on and add some make up,i will still be myself. But what if he doesn't like the real me. What if it is the bad girls he want, the ones showing clevage, doing wrong things and make out with all the guys. What if he don't like me. I can be that bad but smoking hot girl. Nobody needs to know about my good grades and stuff. This is a good idea. I'll start.
What is this really? Well, nomatter what it is it, helps me from not crying, and this way i can handle my emotions better. But he can't know that i like him, Dallas can't know.
A/N:
Okay so this chapter is about 1040 words, and I don't know if you few peple like it, so it would be great if you commented if you think i should continue or don't. I really want to know if anybody acctually reads it. But to you guys who do, thank you.
