Thinking Out Loud

12:45 am

I'm pacing the floor, biting my nails and watching the horrendous thunderstorm outside. It's been awhile. Half an hour. How long does it take to call? I don't care about my parents. I care about him. And he's not here right now.

I can't even believe how worried I am. I shouldn't leave the room. Louis, you really shouldn't leave the room. But as I glance at the clock again, I decide it. I need to leave the room. I walk to the door, and place my hand on the door handle. But instead it falls right through the door handle. By now I realize I can simply just walk through the door. As soon as I do so, I look around the hallway. I really have no idea where I'm going.

I see a nurse walking down the hallway, and I stand to the side, waiting until she passes me. I follow her down the hallway, slowly examine everything around me. He's not down there...not there.

I follow the woman further down, as she makes a sharp right hand turn. I follow her to see a front desk, where Harry and Nurse Rachel are standing. Harry runs his hand through his hair, as I take a seat across from them both, watching them.

"So, how long have you two been together?" The question hits Harry like a ton of bricks, I can see it in his face as soon as he hears it.

"Um...we were together for 2 years. We...moved apart." Nurse Rachel places her hand on Harry's shoulder, showing him all the empathy that she possibly can.

"Honey, I'm sure deep down, he still and always will love you."

"She's right." I say to Harry.

"I'm not so sure anymore." He sighs. Nurse Jackie sighs, and slams the phone down. "They're not answering?"

"No! Are there no other possible relatives to reach?!" Harry looks down at his hands, thinking of what to say.

"No, not really."

The woman shakes her head and looks up at Harry. "A poor boy like you shouldn't have to wait here all night and watch over him! For goodness sakes, you can go home if you want, Hun. I can watch over him just fine." In that moment I could swear Harry knew I was there. He looked me right in the eyes, as if I could see through those green eyes.

"Our relationship may have hit some bumps in the road, but I love him. And I have to stay here with him no matter what." I stood up, and walked closer to him, but he just looked away.

It shattered my heart feeling like he said it to me. Directly to me.

"You are such a sweetheart. Can I get you something to drink, or eat?"

"I'm fine, thank you. I think I'm just going to go back to the room and sit down for a bit." Nurse Rachel nods, as Harry walks down the hallway.

I follow him, walking right next to him. Tears are beginning to well in his eyes, and he quickly pushes them away. He doesn't want anyone to see his pain.

We enter the room as he slams the door behind him. He throws his headband onto the floor and runs his hands through his hair with fury. His long, beautiful hair.

People would laugh at it. People would tell him to cut it and let it go back to normal. But Harry didn't care. He always out it back in a headband during school, but when we were alone he would take it out and throw it all over the place. I absolutely loved it.

"Fucking shit!" Harry screamed, throwing something across the room. He kneeled on the floor, sobbing into his hands.

I may have been unconscious and out of my body, but my heart still ached at the sight of him crying.

"Please don't cry. Just talk to me." But he didn't. He just continued to sob into his hands, shaking from sadness.

He looked up from his hands, his eyes red and sore. There we're tear marks running down his cheeks, which were red too. He rubbed his knuckles onto his cheek, and stood up.

His legs were shaky, and his lips wee quivering. He quietly walked over to what he threw, and placed it on a side table. After he had done that, he say down in the chair, just like he had been an hour ago. "All I wanted wasyou back," he sighed, "I just wanted my Louis back." A tear trickled down his cheek, as he wiped it off.

I walked over to him and kneeled down beside him. "You do have me." He stood up, walking right past me and towards the window.

"I'm a fucking mess up. I have no purpose in this life. You were willing to give me anything, all of your love. I was the person you loved, until I dumped you." He looked out the window, and back to my cold body on the hospital bed. "I don't know what the hell I was thinking. That guy he was just...looking at you as if he wanted you. And for some reason I thought you wanted him, that he was more worthy than me. And so I dumped you. I was right. I wasnt worthy of you."