retrouvailles // shawn mendes

two

"I'm really tired of having to get ready every weekend because you don't want to seem like a loner." Vienna pushed her way into the car, putting her handbag in before placing herself into the seat beside me.

"You love it," I say, which seems to only irritate her further, as she rolls her eyes in annoyance. I hated to admit it, but she had a point. I'm sure by now, half the media believed we were dating, considering the fact we looked nothing alike and I brought her practically everywhere. If we're being serious, it's not the best publicity to attend celebrity parties every other weekend without a plus one.

Or maybe it is, I don't know.

"So," she says, rummaging around the center console for what I'm assuming was her headphones. "Is Niall like..." she trails off, avoiding all contact with me as she preoccupies herself with the search of her headphones. She's looking under the seat now, and I turn to look at her as I wait for an answer.

"Is he...?" I question, raising an eyebrow at her. She pulls herself up from the seat and rearranges herself, white headphones now in hand, and begins to untangle them.

"Is he, like, seeing anyone?" The question itself would have been fine, if it didn't come from her. I wasn't sure if I wanted my only friends to go off dating one another.

"I don't know," I admit, which was half true, half just an attempt to avoid the conversation.

"Oh," she pauses, moves her hand toward the radio, and retracts it. "I hope he is. He's very cute." She's now faced away from the window, and I have no idea how to tell her I don't want to face the awkwardness of the aftermath that would follow me if they split.

-

Niall's house was nice, I'd give him that. It was the first thing that came to my mind every time I came over. It was simple, yet nearly three stories. I was surprised he didn't have parties here on a regular basis. He seemed to have the crowd for it, why not put it to use?

"I could see myself living here, shit." V says, laughing as she nudges me on the shoulder. "Maybe I won't be your plus one after tonight anymore." She says it playfully, but still, the thought of being alone tugs at me unpleasantly.

"I guess," I mutter, though it sounds more like a question and I'm sure she can't hear me over the distantly blaring music.

"Come on! Are you going to go in or do I have to do that with you too?"

"I'll be in right now."

"No, I'll wait till you come in."

"You don't ha-"

"I'm waiting, just come on Shawn. You'll meet someone. You'll have fun. It's not pointless. You won't know if you won't try." She always found a way to mix in some motivational quote you'd find in Sprinkle of Jesus, and I'm not sure if I should feel cared for or annoyed, but I follow her in anyway, and hear her mutter a "thank god" as she makes her way past the crowds of people gathered in cliques outside. It was like another high school party.

Pointless.

-

"Shawn! Hey man!" Niall says, almost two hours after I arrive, and seems to greet me in a rush as I'm gathered with a group of people whose names I already managed to forget on my third cocktail of vodka and... what was it?

"Hey! How are you?" I ask, more cheerful than I expect myself to be. It was the mystery mix talking, I was sure of it. He mutters something about how his day was stressful and something else, but his words feel like cotton in my ears.

Before I can get anything else in, he gets dragged away by some other musicians, or models, or producers, or something, and I'm alone again.

-

I get asked around five thousand questions throughout the night, but the alcohol is suffocating, in a way I've come too numb to register. I think Vienna finds me at around two in the morning, and drags me around to meet some friends of hers.

Estelle I'd already met, the edgy and party loving one. Emily too, who's both bubbly and silent, and who, despite Vienna swearing she isn't, is most likely gay. I had no idea where V found these people, or how they even managed to fit together.

They all say hi to me, drunk off of the music and fluorescent lights that flash throughout the home. I don't even think they had much to drink, they just managed to get giddy around one another anytime the clock passed twelve in the morning. I might have waved back, or muttered a hi of some sort that was ultimately drowned beneath the music and singalongs of everyone who attended. The lights are blinding, and seem to pound at my head with every flicker. The world falls away in slow motion as their voices still cascade around me, like they're coming from behind the crashing sounds of a waterfall. I'd give anything to be asleep right now, to end this massive headache that grew from this drink that I was sure had some hints of cocaine or LSD.

I should really stop coming to these parties.

Vienna keeps introducing me, and it feels like she's been talking for hours on end. There's someone she gets to though, someone who is unfortunately now an alcohol induced blur, and her name fades away along with everything else before I get the chance to speak to her. She might look like someone I know, like someone I've known for a long time, but it's too late to put my finger on it now. Everything begins to feel otherworldly, like I'm standing outside of my body, watching my eyes gloss over as I grab another red cup from the counter, as I pour myself another drink.