You Know Who You Are

The Princess

You're disgusting 

The scar is all people see

You're wasting your time

She stands in the mirror, the voice in her head whispering these exact phrases at the same time. Every day. She touches her face, poking her cheeks

Your cheeks are too fat

She touches her lips

Your lips are too thin

Her hand slowly trails down her neck, across her collarbone to rest on the one piece of skin that's the root of all the voices. The large scar, cut into her skin. Trailing down between her breasts. Stopping just above her bellybutton. Leaving a noticeable indentation in her skin. 

She slowly dropped her hand, and turned away from the mirror. Her blue eyes focusing on the floor of the bathroom. The voices had grown so loud, it felt like someone else was standing in there with her. 

She thought she had gotten used to them, even coming to learn how to live her life ignoring them. It wasn't always like this. Some days were better than others, some days she would be able to smile at herself in the mirror. Looking at that scar as though it were an accessory. It could be the most beautiful thing in the world to her some days. 

She listens to people tell her every day that she was pretty, that she was smart. That her scar is what makes her so unique. 

And she hurts, because she knows she should believe them. And some days she does. But most days, she doesn't know how to. She's not stupid. She's not trying to get attention. She's just in a constant battle with herself, and there doesn't seem to be an end in sight. 

She believes some days she shouldn't be there at all. She looks around her at the family she was blessed with. At the friends she has that would take bullets for her. She doesn't know how to tell them just how much they meant to her, and how many times they've saved her life without even knowing. 

Its so hard to go on, when life seems like it's trying everything it can to knock you down. You'll have great days. Happy days, that only turn into sad ones when you realize it won't last forever. The bad days seem never ending. The nightmare seems like it just won't wake up. 

She's scared to be happy, because she knows how it feels to fall hard when your head is up in the clouds. 

She loves hard. Because she couldn't go on without those people in her life. Treating snakes like butterflies. She cares too much for people who couldn't care less about her. She holds on to the good in people, when the bad is laid out so clearly in front of her. She gives all her attention to people who don't deserve it. And ignores the ones that do. She's in a constant war with herself, knowing she should let go when all she does is hold on.

It's so sad. Because she doesn't see the person she could become, even if her mind does. She's kind. She's loyal. She's beautiful. 

But she'd never believe it, even if you took her by the pale shoulders and shook her.

She's stuck being a Princess, when she could have been a Queen.