My name is Elizabeth Ray and if you haven't guessed it already, I'm a fangirl. I spend a lot of time on the internet basically 95% of my time, now that I think about it. I live and breathe anything talented and spend my life in bed with my headphones in my ears, music blasting, ignoring the world on twitter and tumblr reblogging and tweeting my teen life away. I'm not your average 16 year old, yes I have friends but lets just say I haven't seen the sun in a REALLY long time. Most of the time I'm cooped up in my room on my phone.
Whenever I actually come out of my room it's basically to get insulted and nagged on by my parents. "You don't do anything, go outside for once, get off your phone, you aren't going to go anywhere in life with your face glued to your phone" is all I ever hear if I come out.
The internet is basically where I belong, people actually understand me and don't judge me. I may shy away from people at school but thats only because I'm for sure they'd judge. I can count my real friends on one hand but when it comes to internet friends I would need more hands to count on. I was in a pretty bad place before becoming a fangirl.
I was not at all where I wanted to be. I hated every aspect of myself and was so afraid to even show my face. I was a lonely, depressed,suicidal teen, well I still am but I'm working on it. There are still days where I want to break down and end it right then and there. But thats where I tell you that being a fangirl saved me. I know you'll understand, in the darkest moments what I cared so much for saved me from that hell hole.
Being a fangirl for all those amazing talented fucks I adore so much made me realize that life would suck even more if they weren't around. Without all the people I obssess over I wouldn't even here to be honest, every single on of them took an important role in my life. It wasn't just they're obvious good looks and charming ways but their music, the meanings behind the lyrics that made me realize that removing myself from the face of the Earth wasn't worth it.
The scars on my arms disappeared for a few days on end until I found myself back in that hell hole called depression and everything repeated. I guess I should tell you were my life as a fangirl actually started.
Well lets see it was about 3 or 4 years ago I had come home from school. A long day of school, hearing teachers talk about shit I could care less about, girls complaining about their boyfriends and oh so perfect lives, boys being assholes, and just dealing with people I strongly disliked was pretty exhausting. Anyways I was on youtube distracting myself from the endless amount of homework I knew I needed to do when I stubbled across a video, "Funniest Moments of One Direction" it read. I was already aware who they were and was already a some what fan of their music so I figured why not and thats when it all went down hill.
