BLU

Love

It's been a week since I last seen or talked to Randy! I haven't really been out the house all week. I've just did drop offs and pick ups.  I cook and do homework and it's back to my room. I haven't been to work or anything. Just here in my depressed state. When I get like this it's never pretty! I barely eat or wash up. I just lay around out of it.

Ring...........

I looked over at my phone and it's Randy again. He's been calling me 100 times a day. I don't answer I just need a minute. My family knows how I can get they know I be in my bag sometimes.

Knock knock......

Blu open up my mom said knocking at my door.

I let her knock for a while she'll normally walk off if I don't answer but today she didn't. I finally answered and she took one look at me and began crying.

You need to come outta this room. You need some fresh air. She said grabbing my hand and walking me to the steps. I stopped her and walked back to my room. I grabbed my keys and locked my door. I was outta of it but I wasn't gonna let my dad rob me. I followed behind my mom as she lead me down the steps and to the front porch. She sat me down in one of my porch chairs. The fall air was nice and chilly. It felt good on my skin. I closed my eyes and let the wind pass by.

How are you feeling? She asked me

Not too good mom! I was reminded of something's of my pass and now I'm in one of my moods. I told her

Well what was it? He asked

About what Mr. Nard did to me. I said with tears in my eyes.

Oh my baby! I'm so sorry! She said holding me in her arms!

I hate myself for that, she told me!

I looked up at her and she had sorrow and regret all over her face. I never knew she felt anyways towards it. We never talked about it after I told her.

You do? I asked her

Yes! You're my baby girl! I love you I wouldn't want anything like that to happen to you too! It's the worst feeling ever.

Mom it happened to you before?

Yes! When I was 18 I just had Omar and your father had left us one weekend for work! I took y'all to the babysitters so I could go to work as well! I was coming home around 10:30 pm and two man jumped on me and pulled me into an alley near 12th and market! I was headed to the bus. I remember it's to a T. I remember both of there faces. The way they smelled like liquor. After they finished raping me they laughed and called me a nigger bitch. They were both white males. I went to the police station and made a report. They were never caught.

I remember telling your father and he went crazy! He wanted to kill those niggas. But we never seen them again. I couldn't deal with life afterwards. That's why I'm so bad on drugs. This was my relief, what ever you do baby don't turn to drug or liquor go get some help. This depression shit is no joke. I know you don't want end up like me. She said crying.

The first time in my life I felt bad for my mom. I hugged her so tight I didn't wanna let her go. We cried and hugged for about 5 minutes. I don't even remember a time she held me like this in my life.

Blu-Blu, you know Nard's not in jail right? She said

What he's not? I asked

No, he's dead! Your father beat him to death! We didn't wanna tell you know but I figured you needed to know that. She said as she kissed me on my forehead in went back into the house.

I stayed on the porch and took in what she said. If my father did that, that means he cares about me. Who would kill a man for somebody they don't give a fuck about. I got up and went into the house.