Stories for contests #WKLYPrompts

Only In The AM #WKLYPrompt24

I thought I knew. I thought I knew who he was, I was almost sure of it. His heart, his mind, his soul, his intentions. Truth is is that I've come to find out that I didn't really at all. I only saw a part of him then just assumed his other attributes were the same. No matter how hard I want someone to be, they will never be that. And yet I still fool myself every time. If I could go back and make myself stop and walk away from him, truthfully and sadly, I wouldn't. I'm strong in so many ways but when it came to him it was like I was hanging from a ten story building by one hand and while someone is trying to reach out and help I'm too afraid to grab it in fear of them letting me go.

So I stay, and I suffer.

You could argue and say I do it to myself and it's my fault and you'd win because I'd agree.

12:57am I don't know why he chose to text me at this time every night but rest assured with a glance at the clock he was always right on time. And you can imagine how down I got when minutes kept ticking by one night and I received nothing. It's aggravating because I knew I didn't need him but something in me still wanted his stupid validation. I don't know why it came to that.

That night I decided to get ready, put on my black dress paired with the heels he said made me look sexy. I got in my car and drove around for a bit. I had no intentions of going to his house but as much as I didn't want to admit it, in the back of my mind I knew as soon as I left my apartment, that was likely the place I'd unknowingly gravitate towards. I'm twenty, in society I'm now considered a woman, when just a year ago I was classified as a teenager. I was raised being taught that women should be resilient and brave and walk with their head held high (even on your lowest of days) but I feel that's hard to do on a daily basis in a world we live in now. So many aspects of life can tear that away in a millisecond. So we look to others to make us feel something, anything. Just so the days aren't so bad.

I drove around until I was conveniently going in the direction of his place. It had started to drizzle when I turned down his street, looking back now I think mother nature was trying to tell me not to do it: drive up to his house, turn off the ignition, step out, head straight for his front door. But I did just that. I scrunched my hair up using the rain that had gotten on it before knocking a few times. The door opened and the cool AC air collided with my skin, causing my glasses to fog a little from being out in the Florida humidity.

"Hey." I said timidly. He was so beautiful that night, my god. Standing there was the boy I thought I loved. I knew I made a mistake when he looked at me like I was some stranger, a face he looked at and had no reaction to, not even a soft smile.

I received an emotionless greeting. It felt like a million bee stings to the heart. I should have turned around right then and there but still, a part of me said don't, and I obeyed.

He shifted awkwardly in the doorway. "Did you text me and say you were coming tonight," he pulled his phone out of the pocket of his joggers and checked for a notification, "I didn't get it if you did." He shook his head thumbing through his countless notifications before regaining eye contact.

"Yeah- no I was just on a drive and I-"

"-And you just ended up on the other side of town...at my house." He interrupted me. I heard an unfamiliar girls voice behind him but when I peered in past him and saw her I recognized her immediately. I've seen him like and comment on a bunch of her pictures, I know that sounds so 21st century and I hate it but it's unfortunately our reality. A like on a post can lead to heartbreak. I should've stopped 'loving' him then too but again I listened to this nagging part of me that just couldn't and wouldn't let him go. Soon after that I found out he had multiple girls on his mind.

I knew I was only girl 12:57 to him but every time I replay the words he said and wrote to me it's like everything else didn't matter and I was back in my bed smiling like a fool because a boy said he wanted me. Pretty foolish of me not to realize he hadn't meant the only one he wanted.

The lies you told so loud were not heard by my oblivious ears. I was so distracted by the way you made my heart feel that I hadn't noticed that you were just lonely, and I was just another girl to you.

He must've realized what I was thinking because he said, "I'll talk to you soon okay, you should go home and get some rest."

"Will you really? Because it looks to me like you don't give a damn about me anymore, not that you did in the first place." My passive aggressive tone definitely caught him off guard. When he didn't say anything back I finished with, "I hope you two have a great night." I wanted to tell him off in that moment so bad, and embarrass him in front of that girl he chose over me. I didn't for two reasons the first being that when I get angry I cry and I didn't want him to see that he had that much of an effect on me. And the second being that I still cared so deeply for him that I didn't want to say something that ruined anything we could have in the future, even though he already ruined that.

Tears streamed down my face as soon as I shut my car door, not a sob left my mouth. I cried silently and listened to the rain hit my windows, mother nature's way of saying I told you so. My mind was thinking an overwhelming amount of things that I hadn't even noticed my fuel gauge was on E. My car slowed to stop and I thankfully got to safely park it on a side street. The rain had subsided and had almost completely stopped. It was so quiet, like a ghost town. Cars passed here and there but other than that nobody was in sight.

I wasn't in the best state of mind that night, I needed to clear my head so I proceeded to slip off the black heels he loved so much and the ones I secretly always hated and I stepped right into the road. I walked right in between the yellow lines, I found it ironic how a place that is usually filled with so much commotion was now so peaceful. My bare feet splashed the rain on the cement with each step, every drop of water was a thought of him.

He will forget I ever existed.
Why did I think I meant something to him?
Why did I let it get to this point?
How did I not see right through him?

That night was a year ago today, we haven't had contact since then. I had to tear him out of my mind but more importantly my heart. I was tired of re-reading meaningless old messages and listening to sad music all the time. I even started to turn down guys because I still felt like that would be wrong of me, like I was cheating on the one person that ever made me feel something, which was absurd. He never loved me and I guess that meant I never really loved him. I'm in a good place in my life now.

But I think unfortunately a part of me will always hope maybe someday we will be just two people meeting again for the first time.